What the Rats Know - Part I

Oddly enough, winter break has been fairly busy for me. Hence why I never find the time to update. Then again, it has also turned out to be a very interesting break; one full of just as much change, drama, surprise, and shock as any full-length 16-week school semester.

Rather than try to come up with some cohesive thought and story for you, it's time for my favorite kind of entry... random bits!

• Lacey and I have not spoken all but a few times in the past week, and all times were casually at work. As much as I dreaded the day when her and I drifted apart, I'm finding that it is not so bad. I was even more surprised to discover that my nature tendency to break away from close friends in in relationships applies to her too. Two semesters ago Jaime was one of my closest friends. Over the summer she got a BF and for some strange reason, I lost all interest in her and she dropped off my radar. Same thing happened with Laecy. However, I discovering a side to me that I have not known of in a long time: the nice guy. Yes, Lacey altered me quite a bit in the last year, mainly into a bitter old man who became too selfish for his own good. If nothing else, in her absence, I'm learning to be free, healthy, and all the less selfish for it.

• Which leads me to my next (and last) point for tonight. I'm trying to set a goal for myself for the upcoming semester; a goal to define the type of person that I want to be known for. I am still working on the list, but for sure I know that I want to be known as an all-around nice guy, an approachable guy, and more importantly, a reliable guy (something I've sucked at before). Here's hoping.

• After my semi-successful hunger strike, I've decided to attempt strikes of other varieties, with the next one possibly being a cell phone strike for a full week (...).

Finally, referencing the title of today's (and tomorrow's) blog post, "Even Rats" is a song by The Slip, an awesome band that I discovered via "Guitar Hero," thanks especially to my sister. Don't know them? Google 'em and check them out. You won't regret it.

I'll be back tomorrow with a huge post. Stay tuned.

Damn!

I've been long-overdue for a big update, and I have plenty to say, but alas, such matters will have to wait one more day. It seems my parents deem me both "irresponsible" and "likely to kill myself" by merely possessing a 500 ml bottle of Bacardi 151. Indeed, this is a tasty rum that I savor for its flavor and sparse use in drinks more than its alcoholic content. But then again, they would not understand that, since it's automatically assumed that I'm an alcoholic for possessing such a demonic bottle of liquor.

I'll update when I'm in a less-than-sour mood.

Sweetness

Sweet link for ya...

Some 100 things that we (collectively, anyway) did not know about 12 months ago. It's an interesting read:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/index.html#a007948

Out.

Some Answers...

Yes, I have had plenty of conversations with a friend that just makes me plain sad. I'm usually the cause of said sadness. I've had numerous conversations about all sorts of serious topics, such as my past and things in general. I rarely find anyone who totally understands me... in fact, I have yet to find anyone who completely understands what I have to say about myself. But it *is* cool when I find the occasional person who can understand. There are lots of things that I don't tell people, actually... when I try to open up to someone who I care about, they seem so neutral to me it's not funny.

And now for the questions.

Better Late Than Never

Merry Christmas, everyone!

And To All...

Merry Christmas, everyone.

I'm off my strike and beginning something much more productive: self-discovery for a change.

For Christ(mas) Sake

What does Christmas mean to you?

For me, it certainly used to mean something special. Nowadays, it's a pain.

As a child, I looked forward to Christmas every year starting with early November. October 4th is my birthday, with a round of presents and whatnot, and seems to be a nice precursor to the Christmas season. By the middle of November, I'm definitely ready to relax and enjoy family time.

This was the way of the Bruno's until 2001. Enter Meijer.

Christmas today means next to nothing to me. I get to see some of my dwindling family (grandparents are not doing well, family feuding separates, no Tammi), I buy for a few people, and I work a whole hell of a lot. I'm honestly sick of what retail has done to me. Christmas would be so much more magical if I did not have to deal with it from July to January every year. Retail does that to you. I'm bitter, cold, and upset that my childhood memories of Christmas are being replaced with constant reminders of what Christmas means to retailers: money, money, money.

Disenchanted

Today's featured lyrics come from My Chemical Romance.

For some reason my life has fallen into an immediate slump of anger, fear, depression, and uncontrollable hormones all at once. One of my major goals in moving on from Lacey was to remove myself from six years worth of memories. Thus far, in destroying old memories I've noticed that I'm having problems creating new ones: that is, remembering simple things. Am I too focused on my goal?

Another bugger in the pipes is something that I am still working on: girls. I've decided that at this period in my life I don't need a full, loving, dedicated relationship, and I'm throwing the towel in for a while on relationships and am going to have fun, play nice, and enjoy myself. Thus, I retract anything I said in the last twenty blog posts about Colleen, Kristin, or Laura on an intimate, almost perverted level. Instead, I will forge a new path with new rules and (hopefully) stronger feelings for friends, family, and myself.

Quiet Hypocrisy

I hate it when someone who downplays certain behavior exhibits it themselves...

All Over the Place

Ack! I've had a slow past couple of days, have put WAY too many miles on my car, spend too much time thinking deep thoughts, and wallowing in my general miserable feeling that is my life.

Tomorrow I will be making a trip to Findlay for a while. My Christmas shopping is done, so I'm mainly going along to enjoy myself with a few friends.

Is it odd that I wish school were still in so... I felt more worthwhile?

Short Stuff

With two major blogs to update (CCAC is quickly dying), I find it hard where to devote my attention. I did update my hunger strike blog, and that will most likely being the blog to receive the most attention. I'm almost a week into it, and I'm still doing decent, albeit very tired a lot more often.

Out.

Second Life Fun

It's been a random, short night. Spent most of the night either playing old-school PC Doom I and Doom II, or up in Second Life.

I've decided to take up the task of apartment hunting in second life. I'm not yet ready to plump down a steady for of cash into the metaverse for full-land rights yet, and rentable apartments are plentiful and, most importantly, cheap. I'm going to plop down $20 worth of Linden Dollars and start renting this weekend, after doing some shopping. Once I get things set up (furniture, nice kitchen, maybe a drink bar), I will invite all to come over for a house warming party. See you in the metaverse.

Snippets of Truth

Since serious progress is being made on my short story "Event Horizon," I've found it amusing to add little snippets of character development that are based on actual quirks from my friends. One such example is a paragraph I recently wrote, which is loosely based on Colleen's general feelings towards her roommate. Thanks for the material!

"Stacey and Spike followed Kale to his room. Kale did not want to stay long, however, given the immediate intimacy that Spike and Stacey engaged in. It was his room too, dammit; why couldn't Spike respect that and save his sexual desires for later? Kale was annoyed enough to leave, and leave loudly."

Out.

Past My Bedtime

I have a feeling that although school is no longer a priority for me over winter break, I will be finding my bedtimes becoming shorter and shorter, if today is any indication. I've been hungry since about 2:00pm, when my stomach decided to start making noise during the middle of my first of two exams.

Somewhere around 9:00 tonight an extreme fatigue took over, and I was ready for bed. I'm pressing on since tonight is my last late night for a while (thanks to work).

Exams are over with, and it feels damn good to be done with the semester.

And I sure hope Colleen TXT's me soon or else I'm gonna be out for the night... :-(

Out.

Finally!

Here it is, the last day of school. Almost... in a way.

I literally have nothing to do today besides exams. Indeed, the highlight of my morning until then will be an exciting 10:30am wake up call for lazy butt. Okay, she's not really that lazy, but I understand the convenience of wake up calls, and I'll certainly do anything for her nowadays...

And therein lies one of my fears. Excuse me for talking out of my ass for a change (brutal honesty seems to upset people), but one of my core problems is that six years ago I told myself I would never again like anyone besides Lacey. I swore it (despite being atheist), I hammered it into me, and when we dated, I promised my life to her. There was no other option.

Then college came along, and with it, new people, some exciting, some shitty, and others... mysterious. Enter "her" (blah, blah, you know you who are...). Casual glances between strangers, random run-ins, and it took a full year before I could attach a name to a face.

Long story short (and to save a lot of bullshit in the middle), I have had to come to terms that I do indeed like someone besides Lacey, all at the same time that Lacey is treating me like crap anyway... so what exactly is holding me back from displaying my true feelings?

As it turns out... nothing...

Time to have some fun!

Quickie

Well, I have one major exam (Math 222) done and over with. Although I don't feel like I did super-awesome on the test, I certainly gave it my best and am hoping for the best.

Next up, Theater and Film 161... cake!

Updates later tonight, including a response to my behavior from last night.

Pain

I made a pretty picture tonight! It looks like this!

B3's Bowling Bash '07

I know it is very early, however, I wish to take a moment to announce...

B3's Bowling Bash '07, the original bash, will be held on February 24th, 2007.

Details on times/events/costs will be posted online sometime in early January, and invitations will go out shortly thereafter. To celebrate the one-year anniversary since my original bash, I plan on several special events taking place, in addition to the expected trip to Al-Mar Lanes.

Party, WooHoo!

Last night was Colleen's 21st (midnight) birthday.

What a night.

The night started with Colleen sharing a Qdoba meal with me (which reminds me, hunger strike time, read here). Afterwards, we have random fun in Ben Franklin and driving around a few places in BG before settling down to start the night. Thanks to people bailing at the last minute, the night's participants were cut down quite quickly.

What I have feared for a few weeks turned out to be true, as no bars in BG will take a still-vertical state ID. Looks like we'll be getting her a new one soon enough.

After hanging out (and drinking) at Colleen's place, we made way to a friend's place of hers in town. It was a sweet (apparently Wendy's-only club) party with some hilarious people. I didn't tell her last night, but it seems Wendy's people throw way better parties than Meijer people. I certainly think so, anyway.

After arriving home at a super-late 4:30am, I crashed.

I was planning to stay the night with Colleen, but a Lacey-related situation made my own bed necessary. I just can't sleep well in a strange place when I'm stressed.

The good news, it seems, is that I won't have to be stressed anymore, as "cold-turkey" is the only way to describe the conditions between Lacey and I. I have been letting go of the past, and after realizing last night that she lied to me over the last few months, there's nothing I can do to heal old wounds. However, I am looking forward to closing that chapter of my life as quickly as possible.

Unfortunately, another chapter is starting to begin, and it's starting on a bad foot... it almost always does when you like a friend... as more than a friend...

Random Bits...

Today was the last day of classes for this semester, and it was a relief to... not go to my one and only class. Figures.

Today was also what I am considering a milestone in my life, with Lacey exiting (a very messy) stage left, in the meanwhile I'm considering discussing with someone else my true feelings about her, although there is always that risky "what if" question...

But then again, I can't ignore my feelings much longer...

Big update later today, stay tuned.

Glowing Responses

My blog post yesterday elicited more than a few responses. People: don't read into it too much. No, I won't give names to match phrases, nor hints; I did it simply for fun, so try not to make a huge deal out of it.

With that out of the way...

I have finally posted my AudioCast Episode 003, over at the official website. The update was long-coming.

Three days and counting before my hunger strike begins... I'm counting down in meals...

The Thoughts I Spew

The following is a list of things that I wish I could say to people (or have come close to saying). They are in no particular order, do not feature names or identifying traits, and some people have multiple lines associated with them.

Don't ask what lines match to who, because I won't tell you. Enjoy!

• Fuck you, you're an asshole to me and I don't know why I take your shit.
• I used to hate you for dating him, but now you're one of the nicest people I know.
• I need a hug. I want it from you.
• You're really cool, just immature sometimes... it sort of bugs me, but not too much.
• I really do care about you, even though you seem so... neutral towards me. I must ask, do you like me too?
• But I love you so much, and it's hard to deal with this, jus t
  
• I know deep down inside you still care and love me, I just need to be more patient.
• Waiting fucking sucks, when can this end?
• You really are cute, and yet, so inexperienced that it scares me.
• The second you started dating her I lost you. It really makes me sad.
• I realized recently that despite mistakes I've made in the past, I think I'm starting to love you.
• Can I hold your hand?

Catch you next time.

Out.

Updates!

Well, today went very well. Work was work, nothing much to say there, and then my day just got better. The hit list:

• I got a better-than-expected 83% on my math test!
• My CS class wasn't boring as hell today, given that we had a substitute teacher.
• I finally saw "Monty Python's The Meaning of Life." Being such a big, "cult classic," I was expecting greatness, and although I didn't enjoy the film so much, it was indeed my last screening for my Theater/Film class.
• I spent a ton of money on a super-secret, spoiling online purchase... :-)

Finally, I've also launched a new site to track (and announce) my upcoming 30-day hunger strike. Read all about it here:

http://b3hs.blogspot.com

Out.

No Updates :-(

I've tried three separate times this past weekend to update, but to no avail. I also wasn't able to post AudioCast Episode 3, but hopefully that'll be in the pipeline for Tuesday.

Anywho, since it's the last week of school (full classes, anyway), I won't have much time to update, given the heavy load of work to be done. However, I'll update if anything important comes up, so stay tuned nonetheless.

I did update my Calendar for this week, so check that out if you feel so inclined. Otherwise...

Out.

My Timeline

With the way I've been feeling lately, I've decided to try an experiment of sorts...

I've constructed a brief timeline of my love life thus far (leaving out a lot of detail), and a brief glimpse into my possible future (being very generalized, of course).

Don't take this as a list of "my desires," but more of a "what if..." sort of thing. Thus, I present to you one possible path my love life could take. Expect more of these little do-dads in the future.

Click below for the full-sized image.

Too Far...

Blogger is going off line again tonight for another maintenance (third time in as many days)... it is kind of annoying.

Anywho, I'm busy preparing for my recording session for CCAC #003, so I can't update much tonight.

However, if you care about music in any way, this link is for you... it's a big issue:

http://apple.slashdot.org/apple/06/11/29/2328222.shtml

Counting Down...

As I count down the days left in the semester (hint, less than two weeks, plus finals), I have suddenly become too busy to get on the internet long enough to write a damn blog entry. I'll get something up sooner or later this week. I'm still on track to record CCAC #003 this Thursday, but I don't have a topic yet, so hopefully that happens tomorrow...

Shit, time for bed already... damn 6:00am Meijer job...

(Coming Soon: my MEIJER rant!)

Second Life Fun

I'm a huge believer in the metaverse -- Second Life, in this case. The parallel world that is always in motion (save for the weekly 'gray goo' attack) is simply a fantasy beyond all of my dreams come true.

I've never known anyone near me who also populates the metaverse of Second Life, but I was quite surprised to find that one of my closer friends, Carey, is alive and kicking in-world, not to mention more-experienced than me :-(.

The proof is real:



Carey is in the foreground, I'm in the background. She sure is pretty!

When You Can't Control It...

Some elements, some feelings, some powers... even some hormones, you simply cannot control. You can try to fake it, hide them, or ignore them, but the feelings inside are unavoidable.

Case in point, what is the world's oldest profession?

Prostitution. Go ahead, click the link... look it up.

That must mean something. Even thousands of years ago, men had a strong enough desire to seek sex that women were willing to trade goods for sex. On the flip size, a woman with little to no wealth and no place to go must have tried to do anything and everything in her power to make money. The last physical item she owned -- her body -- was most likely the way to go.

Today, I know of many people who struggle with sexual desire, lusts, and temptation. There really seems to be two paths from here: good and evil. Good constitutes the friendly, socially-acceptable ways of releasing these desires, etc. Sex with a partner and masturbation fall within this category. Rape, prostitution, and most any form of forced-sexual intercourse constitute the evil ways of release.

And finally, there is my path: I can't seem to stop thinking about sex or any of its related premises (attraction, consideration, etc), but I'm in a position where I am unable to release any of this built-up tension. Sometimes I feel like I'm being driven to insanity, especially when I'm around certain people. Lately, I'm beginning to worry if some of my mannerisms regarding sex and my desires might be endangering my friendships.

At one point in my life, sex was such a critical juncture for me that it damaged a relationship I was in, enough to cause irreversible damage.

Nowadays, I worry more about finding sex than I do trying to establish any decent relationship first, and this hits home hard, considering I don't believe in random, careless sex.

Now isn't that a dilly of a pickle I am in?

I am hoping to reflect, rethink, and reestablish, and most importantly, gain complete control over my hormones and desires before they push me over the edge before I ever had a chance to say "I've grown up."

Out.

Too Far Behind...

What is worse?

Knowing you've made the wrong decision?

Or not knowing if the decision you have made is wrong yet?

I think this week will be one of reflection...

Episode 2!

Critically Correct AudioCasts, Episode 2 is out!

Hit up http://b3-ccac.blogspot.com/ to check out the release, and enjoy!

So 'Far Behind'

Maybe I've drank too much, or maybe I don't care anymore. Either way, this is how I feel...

Now maybe
I didn't mean to treat you bad
But I did it anyway
And then maybe
Some would say your life was sad
But you lived it anyway
And so maybe
Your friends they stand around they watch you crumble
As you fall down to the ground
And then someday
Your friends they stand beside as you were flying
Oh you were flying oh so high
But then someday people look at you for what they call their own
They watch you suffer
Yeah they hear you calling home
And then some day we could take our time
To brush the leaves aside so you can reach us
But you left me far behind

Now maybe
I didn't mean to treat you oh so bad
But I did it anyway
Now maybe some would say you're left with what you had
But you couldn't share the pain

Tantric Review

Tantric goes from a double-platinum album national band to playing in front of a crowd of thirty people in Howards Club H in Bowling Green...

Is this a fall from grace for Tantric or a redefining of their musical career?

The answer, in my opinion, is a bit of both.

As my favorite modern-day acoustic rock band, Tantric holds something dear to me in my heart, so I was naturally very excited to hear they were coming to BG to play a show - the last time I saw them it required a thirty minute drive and a long, long, long wait in line.

First off, to the people I've told this to -- I made one mistake -- this was my third time seeing Tantric, not my fourth (although their WILL be a fourth!).

First, an aside: I felt bad for Tantric as they took the stage. Already approaching 1:00am, Howard's was beginning to thin out, with the passive crowded quickly making for the door. Beyond that, however... my thoughts:

The concert was short (about an hour), but Tantric had a chance to rowdy-up what little crowd Howards could present them with. The venue isn't nearly the same arenas that Tantric has been accustomed to playing in, but then again, times are different. With Jesse (bassist) leaving the group to pursue family matters (supposedly), and the band breaking away from Maverisk Records, Tantric has had a chance to refocus their music and direction. Despite hints of huge crowd-pleasing rock anthems on display, the thirty-ish (maybe forty?) people in Howards were at least able to get off their feet and enjoy a ton of classic Tantric rock-riffs, such as "Hey Now," "After We Go," "Astounded," "Mourning," and of course, "Breakdown." A slew of covers from Alice in Chains (their prime musical influence), the Doobie Brothers, and others helped those in the room who were not always familiar with the band.

By far the best of the night, however, was new material that Tantric presented, and from the sound of things, their early-2007 LP will be a return to glory, with edgier, darker, yet always-well-executed acoustic riff-rock bringing back the sounds of thief excellent debut album versus their awesome, yet uninspired sophomore effort. I can't recall any individual song names, but come springtime, I think we'll be hearing a lot more from Tantric.

I certainly can't wait.

"Come Back"

Looking at the time line of my life, I've decided that it is time to move on from certain stresses, seek new beginnings, and to start a new chapter...

So without further ado, it is time to say goodbye for now. Besides, does not absence make the heart grow fonder? I think the Foo Fighters said it best:

Dead on the inside I've got nothing to prove
Keep me alive and give me something to lose
Goodbye, this time
Leaving you
I've been gone so long, so, gone so long
But I will come back
... For you!

Updates tomorrow...

New Music!

I've updated my Winamp library list, with about 30-ish new songs added. My Chemical Romance is the biggest update, with smaller stuff from other random artists in there somewhere too.

Also, it looks like I'll have another AudioCast ready for this Sunday, so keep an eye out for that!

New Site Up!

I have launched the Blogger version of my AudioCasts Series homepage. Check it out:

CCAC Homepage

Sex Is a Funny Thing -- Part II

"What is love? Baby don't hurt me..."

Okay, so save for a classic Saturday Night Live sketch, the question at hand can be pretty serious. In Part I of my mini-essay, I gave a brief overview of my history with sex, and some initial thoughts on the "love versus sex" concept.

Today, I look at the question: How do love and sex tie together? In practice, I will answer this question by answering a variety of sub-questions. Please note that my answers for each question are based around the vocabulary and concept of each question; that is, I basically ignore the fact that each answer can easily be influenced by concepts from other questions. I do my best to sum this fact up at the end of this article.

1) Is it okay to have sex for fun?

This obviously changes from person to person, since "fun" takes on different meanings for different people. But my answer: yes, most definitely. Sex is very fun, and I always make the best of it when I do it.

2) Should friends have sex for fun?

Yes, with reservations. Sex is certainly fun (see above), and I would rather have sex with someone I know (ie, a friend), rather than a complete stranger (prostitute, maybe?). Still, there are obvious issues with this. Are both people in complete agreement with the situation? Are feelings for each other mutual? Will nearby friends be hurt by this? Then of course, there is the post-sex change in feelings that must be dealt with. Yes, sex with friends is reasonable, but only to a degree. Friends who are close, but not technically dating, are the best candidate for this type of sex.

3) Is it okay to have sex before marriage?

By all means, yes. One reoccurring concept for me is that humans are animals, and the natural instinct involved in reproducing (that one that says, you know... "do it!") should not be ignored all the time. It is perfectly okay for a person to respect his/her morals (for whatever reason that may be) and not cross certain boundaries before certain ages or major life events. However, for me, humans are animals, and animals do it. Marriage is a societal concept that does not always mean what it should, especially given that America's divorce rate is above fifty person. Go figure. So I say live it up whenever you're ready, even if it's before marriage.

4) Do two people need to be in love to have sex?

Ah yes, the big "finale." No is my answer. Yes is also my answer.

In defense of "no:" Sex is merely a reproductive act, and physically speaking, love is not required. Even internally, even as complex as human emotions may be, most emotions are able to be overcome with time. Depending on the emotional sensitivity of the individual(s), loveless sex may not be a big deal. I know for sure that I can have sex without love being present.

In defense of "yes:" Nothing, save for actual impairments, can stop two people from having sex. However, in my personal experience, having deep, passionate feelings for a person can greatly enhance the fun of sex via elated emotions. Quite simply, it's easier to be giving of the gift of sex when there is a strong, interconnected bond between two (three? four?) people. However, this is again a personal preference. What if a person does not care about his/her feelings and can get through sex just the same as one who cares deeply?

Any who, in summary:

I could not have sex with any random person. I could not have sex with random friends. I could have sex with close friends, or those for whom share my desires, interests, and understands of the subject. I could not simply fuck to fuck. I could have sex before marriage.

I can have loveless sex, merely because I would have sex with a select few of my friends, and I certainly don't "love" them to the degree that most people would consider "ready for sex." But that doesn't mean that I don't care about them. I am more than able to respect my friends to come to a mutual, agreeable decision regarding sex.

However, I would certainly prefer to have sex with someone who I can connect to, share feelings for, and understand wholy. We don't, however, live in a perfect world. Thus, I am certainly open to sex with anyone who can read this blog entry and go "yeah, I get that..."

I know there's at least one of you out there.

Thank you for reading.

Sex Is a Funny Thing -- Part I

Sour whiskey goes down smooth... yummy!

So, what does sex mean to you?

That's quite a broad question, certainly, and one that I really can't answer in its entirety without writing a small book, but a brief summary of my history with sex goes something like this. Later on, I'll pose the question: How do sex and love tie together? Until then, Part I:

Around the age of 11 I began to experience my first serious sexual attraction to girls (although I personally believe that it was more like 8 or 9). It was small stuff at first. Rather than seeing girls in my elementary classes as human beings, friends, or classmates, some of them stood out to me more so than others. They were the ones that I began to desire not just on a friendship level, but because I experienced a physical attraction. This notion took off in middle school, with an assortment of people crossing my path that I took a great physical interest in, almost always without ever getting to know these people, merely because I was a wuss.

It wasn't until high school that I met girls who finally became more than a physically attraction to me. I finally found a "type" too -- blonde, not too skinny nor fat, rounded nose, glowing eyes, and a cute smile...

Throughout high school I began to realize what true "horniness" was. I began to crave sex not as a relationship benefit, but as a necessity that I would need in my life. This fact began to shine through in my personality, with daily talk, traits, and quirks about me always being sex-related. My short stories constantly included sexual references (although never direct sex scenes... my writing was never mature enough to do such scenes with dignity). Finally by my senior year, I was ready to snap. Breasts were daily distractions, butts merely a grab away, and the feelings of sexual liberation, pressures, and norms were beginning to seemingly destroy my life.

Despite friendships versus relationships, it was my senior year, on Valentine's Day, ironically enough, that I decided to lose my virginity. It was not with a girlfriend at the time (an ex, actually), and we did it almost on a whim (only a few days' notice).

I don't regret having sex on that February 14th, but I DO regret growing up so fast. As it turns out, sex matures a person pretty quickly. But damn, it felt good to just *know* what sex was like. Turns out, it's wonderful.

After several other sexual liaisons over a another year and a half, I decided that it is difficult for me to live without sex. Because of this, I've been branded a hornball, a pervert, and a predator. Now I fight a daily battle to resist the very hormones that make me human.

Why not just give in to my hormones and find easy sex? That question will be answered soon enough in Part II of this mini essay!

So...

As of this blog post, I haven't had sex in nearly nine months (and that was from a stable relationship), and it's taken almost that long to let my body balance itself out, bringing my daily life more in line with reality rather than the constant pursuit of sex. Control over my own hormones is an issue that I honestly deal with, and it's the deepest, darkest secret that I no longer keep.

Here I am world... fuck me, please.

Coming Soon, Part II... stay tuned!

My Hero

Guitar Hero II might just destroy the rest of my semester. I can kiss my Thanksgiving break over with, anyway.

In other news, I'll have an update later on today regarding a matter that has just busted wide open, and for me on a personal basis, has far-reaching implications.

Coming soon!

Three-Double-Zero

Just in case there were doubts (from both pundits and within myself), here I am.

300 blog posts strong.

I've decided to celebrate my 300th blog entry the same way I did with my 100th entry: reflection on the past, with an outlook to the future. Although this time, I'm almost entirely focused on the future. Why?

As much as I follow the "learn from your mistakes" mentality, upon reflecting on my past, I've almost always focused entirely on the mistakes I've made, rather than the positive accomplishments (however few they have been). Maturing isn't just a growing process, it's a learning process, and I'm still learning. I'll be a student forever.

300 is a big number, especially when you consider the beginnings of this blog are rooted in July 2005. So, on to the usual...

Stemming from and based directly on this blog, "B3: Critically Correct AudioCast Series" has launched! Abbreviated as "CCAC," it is at it's simplest, an audio version of my blog. With best intentions, I hope to post a new episode once a week, and Sundays will most likely be that day. Keep it locked to this blog for updates on that. The concept/show is still in its infancy, so please bear with me as I grow it, and by all means, leave feedback on what you think of it. The CCAC website that's currently up is temporary. I'm working on designing a full-fledged Blogger site, so hang tight.

Here's the link:


My Facebook profile has been updated. I cleaned up a bit of extra stuff around the edges. Call it "lean."

Well, what does 300 mean to me? Never before in my life (with the exception of video games) have I dedicated myself to something so much. Yes, I do like writing, but even my own stories/poems don't get as much dedicated and constant attention like this blog. Perhaps it is the fact that I have a public avenue to vent, or perhaps it is the notion I get everyday from seeing my site stats: every month for the last year I've seen my visitor stats double month-on-month. I like the attention :-)

So what goals have I set for myself lately? The list:

• Be a gentleman. I can talk about sex, games, and girls only so much. At some point earlier this year I realized that I'm not the proper gentleman that I used to be. Time to reboot.
• Be honest. I used to be a bad, habitual liar. I'm still a bad, habitual liar. I do not lie about the "big" things anymore (sex being a good example). I do lie, however, about my feelings, and in small, daily tasks... nothing serious, just enough to get by. I've noticed, however, that these small lies add up internally and are ripping me apart. When it comes to being honest to myself, here's a nice, big, *honest* example: When Lacey tries calling me some nights and I don't answer for hours on end because I'm busy with Colleen, I tell myself it's okay. Problem is, when she doesn't answer her phone for hours on end, I assume the worst (boys, boys, boys), simply because *I* do it first... I'm not afraid, I'm paranoid. How can I trust other people when I can't trust myself? Time to reboot.
• Be there. My friends are not the same people I had in high school. As where high school was a close, intimate affair where everyone knew everybody and their business, the "real world" now is not as friendly by comparison. I don't open up to all my friends nowadays, simply because time marches on, and I always wonder where I'll be from one day to the next. Despite this, I feel the need to be there for my friends, and I'm always afraid that I'm not open enough. I want to be the person my friends can trust one-hundred percent, the one they go to when "life's got them down." I hope I can do that for 'em. Time to reboot.
  

Any who, what's been up with me? I go to work five days a week, and the Grocery gig at Meijer isn't too bad. It's a lot of work to keep a department with 10,000-plus items priced properly, but I'm doing my best. On a personal level, I'm trying to get back into "Event Horizon," my short story (now novella-length). My Chemical Romance is the band that I currently can't get out of my CD player and away from my MP3 player. "The Black Parade," their newest album, is simply stunning. But you already knew that :-)

Finally, I'm going to wrap up post number 300 with some very random, risky shit. Here, in no particular order, are random thoughts/confessions/desires of mine, with (some) names included. Enjoy!

• I love you, Lacey, as my best friend and someone who, despite all the shit we've been through, still understands me the best.
• Kristin, you're nuts, adorable, and a wonderful friend.
• I've had gay thoughts before, but no, they weren't about your brother.
• I want to fuck a friend, make love to a partner, and play with myself. Being a dude is awesome.
• I honestly regret dating Colleen and not having the guts to end it properly. I'm a pussy and *not* proud of it.
• A cellphone is a wonderful tool. In the hands of twenty-thousand BGSU students, it's a nightmare.
• Meijer is just retail, it's just a job, and yet I honestly care about it... is that sad or scary?
• I don't want to wear glasses.
• Computer Science isn't fun anymore.
  

And with that, I'm out. See you at 301.

My Final Post

This is it... my final post before 300.

Tomorrow afternoon, somewhere between 3:00pm and 5:00pm, I will write my 300th post, release major updates on Facebook, and launch my AudoCast Series.

Finally, for those geeks out there familiar with Microsoft's Steve Ballmer, here's a niec techno-remix of a few of this most embarrassing showings:

Techno Developers!

See you peeps tomorrow!

Bleeding Scarlet and Gray

OSU takes it 42 - 39...

Sports Illustrated Coverage

Almost There...

Yay, here's post number 297!

I've become a big, big, big fan of Facebook advertisements (aka "Fliers"), and I've just completed paying for $40 worth of fliers for some of my friends... mwahahahaha!

May embarrassment ensue :-)

"Sleep"

My Chemical Romance's new album, "The Black Parade," features many songs that are, quite frankly, awesome. "Welcome to the Black Parade" is a rock fest, feel-good anthem that directly deals with death in a positive light. "Mama" is a groovy beat that deals with death and family. "Teenagers" is a short romp through the fear of teenagers present in every hypocritical adult. And finally, "Sleep" features these lyrics:

And through it all
How could you cry for me?
Cause I don't feel bad about it.
So shut your eyes,
Kiss me goodbye,
And sleep.
Just sleep.
The hardest part is letting go of your dreams.

It's a wonderful album discussing not the fear, but the ballad, of death. I recommend you pick up a copy ASAP... oh, and the song "Famous Last Words" is featured in the pilot episode of "Critically Correct AudioCast," which releases tomorrow afternoon.

Bye-Bye Ringtones

For the first time in almost three weeks I've turned my cell phone off... and it feels damn good!

Maybe I'll do this more often...

Eek!

I'm not gonna make it! I'm at 293 posts and I have idea how to fill in 7 more posts (guess I can't count, see entry below)!

In other news, the OSU v. Michigan game has begun!

293...

Brandon 2.0, you might call it. A new, more professional, proper Brandon is coming this Sunday. Stay tuned (this pun is getting old...).

Oops...

I have nine (9!!!) posts to go before I hit 300, and I was hoping to launch my AudioCast series with my 300th post. So... I'm gonna be blogging a lot over the next three days (two posts a day, actually), and will launch my Critically Correct AudioCast Series Sunday afternoon around 5:00pm.

Stay tuned (literally!).

Yep...

Thanks to the wonderful blogophsere, I know that one of my friends is all stressed out about "friend-stuff" just the same as I am... I sure hope we're not the source of each other's stress, because that would be a bit weird... but eh... too bad she never wants to talk about it :-(

I'm not gonna get any sleep tonight. See you peeps tomorrow!

Updates!

The final version of my audiocast is ready to roll for this Sunday's launch. I just realized that it coincides with the launch of Wii, which is... just random.

Anyway, tomorrow night I'll be bringing the AudioCasts website live, so keep an eye out for that, and I'm also planning to invest some major money (barely triple digits, but whatever), into a marketing campaign of sorts to get the word out about my audiocast series. The full title of the new site (and general marketing name) will be "B3: Critically Correct AudioCast Series" (or CCAC for short).

In case any of the technical-minded are curious, I'm hosting my audiocasts via the Internet Archive (www.archive.org), and thus will be able to provide a complete library of audiocasts available at all times. I can't wait.

Test time soon, so I'm out.

A Poem

Here's a new poem I just wrote, based on some feelings, fears, and worries (and past experience):

A Random Fuck
by Brandon Bruno

The act is crude
and the noises are rude
thrust, thrust, thrust
is a must, must, must
boys become men
and girls wonder when
growing up is never fun
yet you still haven't won
from a flirt to a kiss
to a fuck to a miss
it will ruin your life
and bring more strife
than you would ever know
so please don't show
how to move and spread
your skin's so red
from a frown to a smile
it's been awhile
since you last respected
and always protected
what means most to...
you.

I'm Alive

Well it seems that I'm 13 posts away from 300 (as of this writing)... which means, now 12!

It's gonna be a LONG Tuesday, so I'm leaving a warning now that you most likely won't hear from me again until Wednesday. I've been forced to think about what I call "The Classic Y Scenario."

That is:

I'm either 1) freaking out over things with Lacey too easily (probable) or 2) I'm being treated unfairly and she's truly being an ass to me (...).

I'm not sure which way to go yet, but I have my ideas, and I can't keep sitting on the fence.

In other news, I'll be launching the website for my podcast series this Thursday afternoon, so stay tuned for that.

Out.

Ever More Stalkerish

In case Facebook isn't enough to help you stalk me, I've added a link to my public Google Calendar (in an effort to keep my butt in gear, I'll do my best to keep it up to date, so you can easily see where I am and when I'm free). The link is on the right, as usual. Enjoy!

By the way, I'm recording my first podcast today and hope to publish it next Sunday... stay tuned!

EDIT: I'm trying to climb to 300 posts so I hit it next weekend, so I'm editing old posts to cheat and not run up my counter :-)

Anywho, I updated my Dragonfly Portal Page. For those not in the know, the DPP is my personal "home page" -- that is, it's the first thing I see when I open Firefox, giving me easy access to all the links I want right away. I've posted a mirror version of it online for access to my familiar links away from home.

There aren't any new links on it (there are less actually), but the design is all-new and a few sections of links have been moved around. Also, it's built around a (far less) stable per-pixel measured design, meaning that although it's easier to break, I have more room to create pretty visuals. I'll see how it goes.

LINK: http://mysite.verizon.net/mdbruno/dragonfly_portal/

Coming Soon!!!

Save all my equipment works properly after next week, staring with my 300th post, I will publish a weekly podcast (audio blog). Shortly after, I hope to move to video podcasts.

Rather than simply dump my text blog into video form, I hope to expand what I cover on a weekly basis, from the latest news with school, gaming, or my thoughts on serious issues (AllofMP3, anyone?). Also, don't expect any "girl bash" rants that I'm known for from time to time: I'm going to stick to fun stuff, mostly.

Anywho, I have to test some more equipment and whatnot, so here's the countdown to 300!

Recursive Nightmares

What I tell Colleen sometimes isn't just dramatic fluff. I really am heading for some kind of mental breakdown, although this is not always a bad thing.

Yes, I keep a lot of feelings pent up inside me, but at the same time, is it necessary to always share my feelings with people for the sake of "venting?" The answer, in my eyes, is when the person I open up with is someone who I care about on more than just a "friendship" level. That is, it is someone who can understand not just my immediate problem, but understands the historical background of my problem (attach an 's' to that, actually).

Thus my problem becomes full-circle:

Lacey understands me better than any of my other friends, in ways that no one else can. However, opening up to her does no good when she does not care about my problems. Thus the issue: the person I desire to be the most open with does not want to listen (partly because some of my stresses are in relation to her). What happens now? What should be the course of action?

I'm not trying to dis my other friends. All of my friends are wonderful, but I've not been one to historically open up to great depths without forming a firm friendship foundation first... sounds corny, I know...

I'll try to blog some more on this later. For now I have a few chapters to read for ethnic studies...

Out.

Dreaming

In all my dreams of late, I wish I could be this man:

Gordon Freeman, Half-Life 2

Time, why you punish me?
Like a wave bashing into the shore
You wash away my dreams.

- Hootie and the Blowfish - "Time"

Indeed, it has become apparent that time is a big factor in my life. I'm running out of it. I finished scheduling classes for Spring semester here at BGSU, and it looks like I'll be attending college for a full year beyond my four years. Fifth year senior, yay!

Anywho, tomorrow is going to be a long Thursday for me, but... it'll be a nice one! 65 degrees warm is looking to hopefully lift my spirits. I'm kinda in the dumps about Lacey being in Aruba... sunny days should help that.

Oh, and it seems that all the Issues that I wanted to pass in Ohio did indeed pass... down with smokers, yay for pay increases, and poo on the Republicans.

Finally, I've started a new group on Facebook. Check it out when you get the chance: "Sexy Things."

Whew, Close One

A successful format! Now that the might Dragonfly computer is back up and running, I'm slowly reinstalling programs as I need them. I'm also in the process of scheduling classes for next semester, and I'll have an update on that later today. It's gonna be an interesting Spring semester thus far.

See ya after my math class.

Final Farewell

I've fought for days, hand-coding and studying in great detail a disastrous virus infection on my computer. Before I lose all hope, I'm finally doing what I feared most: a complete format.

This is my last blog post from the "old" Dragonfly. Tomorrow will see a new, fresh desktop. I can't wait.

Twenty and Counting

Well, in twenty more posts, I'll have written 300 entries... yay for a party! (Not...)

Today was hectic. I didn't work this morning, but instead slept until 11:00ish, since last night was a long one... I drove Lacey to DTW in Michigan so she could catch her flight to Aruba. Sounds like she made it just fine, too.

Not to go on a negative bend here, but I just noticed something: yesterday (Sunday, November 5th), was the one-year anniversary of our breakup (Lacey and I). A moment of silence please...

...

Indeed.

Anywho, a sunny, 55-degree Tuesday is in store for us, and I have a ton of work to do (doubly-the-amount, actually, since I'm helping Lacey get homework turned in too... gee, aren't I a nice guy for someone who doesn't even want to hang out with me?).

Okay, enough negativity. See you peeps tomorrow.

Yikes...

My weekend became horrendously busy, and my long-promised blog post is... no more...

But anywho, it's looking like another busy week, with a major paper due early next week, a ton of homework this week, and no time for anything fun.

On a side note, Lacey is in Aruba all week, and I'll be using my blog to keep her up-to-date on happenings back home (umm... here).

With that, I'm off to get a Frosty... out.

Oops

I know I've made some promises of big updates, but obviously, I've ran out of time. I'll be sure to get something going tomorrow, as I've come to a very peculiar conclusion...

Studying Pain Part I

After conducting a very formal scientific study, I've determined this. MY FRIDAY SUCKS.

I've summed up my data in this line graph:

Coming Soon...

Big, awesome, over-emotional coming update later today ... stay tuned.

Ugly Heads

In the last ten minutes I went from an over-joyed, hungry college student to an angry, jealous, stalker-ish high schooler... and it was because of a girl...

Wow, it's good to be back.

Surprise Week

What a surprisingly awesome week it has been. The story:

First off, I knew my work schedule with Meijer was light this week, but I didn't think that time off could be this week. As where having to work 8a to 12p, or 6a to 12p, is typically a drag on school, I've found that by not having to work prior to class, I enjoy my day so much more.

In addition to a light week at Meijer, it's been (and will be) a light week with school. Two classes this week were cancelled in advance. I got to see a live preview of Windows Vista and won a free webcam in the process. I get all day Friday off. Homework has been non-existant this week.

It's been a damn good week, and I haven't even started talking about girls yet... excellent...

Ugh...

Another week is beginning, but I simply don't have the time to mull over what could be and what has been... it's just Sunday night and I'm stressing in too many directions...

Well, time to do what I do best:

Jump in face first to the foray and hope I survive to see Friday!

I'll update whenever I can... don't hold your breath in case it isn't until the middle of the week!

Out.

I'm a Thief

Okay, one last post:

Having read a certain someone's blog, I've decided to shamelessly steal her hilarity for my own. Pop Quiz!

Q) What should you do if a friend leaves all of his/her recently-purchased items in your trunk?

a) Rush back to town and give it to them immediately.
b) Wait a while until they repeatedly mention that they want it back, and ignore the hint.
c) What stuff in the trunk?
d) Laugh at it, then pour an amaretto sour for yourself, knowing you'll never get off your fat ass to take it to him/her.

The correct answer is... not going to be posted here :-)

PS - Firefox corrected my spellings of fat ass. The first-ever dictionary I've seen that correctly foul-language... awesome!

Goals

Having spent the last few weeks reflecting on my recently life (read: it sucks), it's time to set some short-term goals:

• Weight, weight, weight! I'm returning to the Community Center tomorrow afternoon, and am to go at least twice a week, three times if possible. I'll pick up where my old regimen left off, which includes lots of weights, bikes, and DDR.
• Deep breaths and calm are to be put before anger and rashness.
• Five weeks of school left: stay the course thus far, and focus on CS 327 and Math 222 to really bring the grades up.
• Not bug you-know-who about you-know-what.

Okay so that last one didn't mean much, but I know it'll get someone somewhere thinking.

Out until tomorrow.

Crazy Ol' Jack

Jack Starts Another One

Insane... this man is crazy. Not a week after the closing of the "Bully" case with Rockstar, Jack is at it again... apparently "Mortal Kombat: Armageddon" features a 'likeness' of him in the game, which he calls "unauthorized" and "illegal." It is later explained that such a character, such as the one in the screenshot he provides, was made via a character creation system within "Armageddon." In other words, it is simply by chance that someone is able to build a character in his likeness. Idiot.

I laugh at you, Mr. Thompson.

Randomness Part I

I'm feeling random lately, an attribute that I believe I have picked up from one of my friends... I won't mention names, but you can probably gue... BIRD!

No Time For Fun

What a week. It's the middle of a boring Thursday afternoon, and I felt like blogging, but could not come up with anything. Colleen suggested a rant, although I'm not typically a ranter. Instead, random thoughts:

• In response to Colleen's cell-phone/annoyances rant, I will offer my brief two cents: cell phones are a wonderful thing - in essence, the best we can afford with today's technology to establish instant, personal communication gratification (that was harder to write than say, I think...). However, the social impact of this technology is still unexplored completely, and social norms have yet to develop. Such is the case with cell-phone manners: people barking into their phones in a quiet or crowded environment, talking on them while trying to interact with another person... these sort of things don't yet have any expected norms established yet, and if these negative manners become the norm, then cell phones will quickly develope a negative conotation. To some degree, this has happened already... but... whew... I'm done.
  
• Firefox 2.0 rocks. It pwns you. Get it, already.
• School scheduling for next semester starts soon, which means I have to reflect on this semester and make sure I get through all my classes.
• Why can't I get anything done fiction-wise? I've been plugging away on "Event Horizon" every day this week, but it seems like the story is going nowhere... grrrr...
• My plan of "not letting girls stress me" has thus far been... working. Sparing what I think of Colleen and Lacey right now, I'm actually spending less time thinking about what could be and wondering what to do next, such as getting in better shape for next year (girls don't like fatasses, right?).

And with that, I'm off to read for a class. Out.

Firefox 2.0

Well Firefox 2 has arrived, and after just a day of use, here's my initial thoughts:

• Most average users won't notice any dramatic difference. Most changes are under-the-hood or aren't immediately visible on the default interface. In fact, the only major difference most people will see is a slightly shinier look to the updated UI.
• Some new features, such as the addition of a "close" button on each tab, is somewhat annoying by default. Most any mouse sold today has a third button of some kind (scroll wheel, etc.), and the default functionality of that third button on tabs has always been fine. I found myself disabling the "close" buttons on tabs to prevent any accidental closing of tabs while I clicked among them.
• The in-line spell checker is nice... considering how many times it highlighted misspellings while I wrote this entry.
• I'm going to watch memory usage patterns and see how stable 2.0 is. The initial release of 1.5 was buggy as hell, with horrible memory leaks and lock ups. That situation vastly improved with later 1.5.x releases, and I can safely say that 2.0 does not yet suffer from any of these problems.

All in all, thus far, I highly recommend Firefox 2.0 as a download. I'm pretty sure you have to do a clean install of 2.0, since 1.5 won't auto-update. Either way, get it. And coming up shortly will be my opinion of Internet Explorer 7... and hopefully it's better than its beta releases.

Uh Oh...

Cell Phone Use May Ruin Sperm

... Come on guys, you can do it!!!

Tightroping

Sometimes I wish I could draw what I'm feeling. I'm not sure how to describe certain emotions and feelings sometimes, but I sure as hell can visualize them pretty easily.

What would I draw right now?

Myself on a tightrope, suspended hundreds of feet above a black abyss. Even though I'm not completely sure of what's within this abyss, I do know that I can fall one of two ways: one way leading into a world with Colleen and Co. - the world that I'm so very comfortable in now - and the other direction, complete independence that has no ending, an infinite free-fall.

As for the tightrope... it's the one thing that I'm barely able to stand on, but what I might have to let go of sooner or later: Lacey.

Wow... that's kinda... corny. Someone get me a piece of paper!

Mad Monday

What a stressful start to my week: people suck, and I'll mention names later on...

But, I did get my Theater/Film essay done... yay...

Get Fit!

Inspiration for us all:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKRkP43R8pY

Looking Ahead

Well another weekend is behind me, and... and another stressful week is ahead. Time for a breakdown of what was and what is to come.

First up, I may be changing jobs within Meijer real soon. My current department, Systems, is finally getting its hours slashed dramatically, thus forcing me to move. Not wanting to take a pay cut, I was offerred a handsome job in Grocery as the sign bitch, which actually pays better than I'm used to in Systems! That'll start next week, so this week is just a nice, easy week of BS Systems stuff.

With school, this week will be busy. I'm starting my week by having to frantically finish an essay. After that, I have a program for CS due this Friday, which will be most of this week's stress. Oh, and two tests, one Wednesday, the other Thursday, and finally, Prout Chapel on Thursday... fun, fun...

But all in all, a busy week coming up... here we go!

Sweetest Day '06

A little something for the ladies in my life:

Happy Sweetest Day!

Wash It All Away

I promised a big update, and here it is... get ready for some babble-talk.

Today was fun, I suppose. Having been 0% productive towards any of my major projects for classes, I instead set about making today a pleasant mix of relaxing and working around the house. I cleaned my room a bit, played some games, and then ate some wondeful dinner that my mom made.

Afterwards, I set about towards BGSU to meet up with Colleen to get ready for the BGHS vs AW football game. Indeed, we did not go. Ms. Finn said she was not really feeling up to the game, given certain circumstances, and I did not argue with her - I felt that my night would have been better devoted to other things... it was a poor last-ditch effort on both of our parts, but I had a lot of fun at Taco Bell with her all the same. It seems that our weekly trips to Taco Bell in Rossford are becoming more and more interesting everytime we go.

Sadly, that brings me back to another point. I want to go to Taco Bell with Lacey just as much as Colleen sometimes, but Lacey's always constantly busy with school, work, or someone else, which is fine. I just wish she would not get mad when I say that "I prefer going to Taco Bell with Colleen now."

She'll get over it, considering all the shit that she puts me through as it is.

Anywho, in aiming to reorganize my life a bit during this up and coming tenth week of classes (are you KIDDING me?!?!), I'm making a promise to get to the Community Center at least twice a week to work out. The best part about this past summer was hands-down spending the last three weeks of it at the CC regularly. I can't wait to go back.

I'm also hoping to drop the girl stress. Surprisingly, I've recently found myself tied up a majority of the time thinking about girls, and a few in particular (you can probably guess who these lovely ladies are). But then again, I really have no reason to worry about the who, what, and why of relationships, given how busy I am with school. Indeed, we shall see.

Oh... I updated my Winamp playlist to feature the latest music that I've added to my collection. 2020 songs now... excellent.

This weekend is not going to be too awesome. I work 10:30a to 6:00p on Saturday (that would be today, technically), and then have a party to go to at 8:00p, although I'm not totally sure I'll go, depending on how much homework I get done after work. Sunday is almost a copy of Saturday, with a 9:30a to 6:00p shift... yuck. I envy Colleen's five-hour Sunday shift. "Colleen, you suck!" Haha...

Anywho, with that, I'm off to play a few more video games, plug away on "Event Horizon," and within the hour, off to bed. See you peeps later.

Up and Coming

On tonight's agenda:

• Dinner with the family.
• BG to meet Colleen.
• BGHS vs AW football game with Colleen.
• Home to play video games and relax (finally).

It's been one HELL of a week. Full update tonight.

Clockwork

No Biggie

I really don't have much to update for today, other than today was a huge waste of time for me... nothing related to school got done.

Yuck. I'll try for a better Thursday.

No People Past This Point

What if the earth had all its human residents removed from it tomorrow?

Find out with the link below... it's a very, very, VERY good read.

Earth Without People

Holdin' On

What a surprisingly pleasant end to my day. After classes I promise Colleen I would help reorganize her dorm room, which failed miserably. I didn't want to be out late, since sleep has been hard to come by the past few nights. What was supposed to be a quick trip to the Sundial and cleaning turned into a full viewing of Fox and the Hound... and like child on Christmas morning, I was delighted to be there for it...

Event Horizon

I have creative writing ADD. Seriously.

I can't stay focused on one story for more than a day before bouncing to another the next. Last week I plugged away on "Almost Gone" (which has now become officially crossed the line into novel territory), and now all my interests lie with "Event Horizon" (formerally titled "Blocchi").

In fact, you can click the image below to read a preview of "Event Horizon." This excerpt was taken from about the halfway mark in the story. Enjoy, and tell me what you think of it.

Fire!

I'm setting my phone wires ablaze as I write this. The full extent of my bandwidth in both directions (a puny 768k/128k) is pumping data through (files out to a friend, metaverse data from Second Life in).

Which reminds me. I traveled to the Reuter's New Agency's new headquarters in Second Life. It was beautiful - a full building with proper offices, ads, and of course, news stories updated in near-real time.

Given my awe at Second Life everytime I step into it, I'm starting a new photo album on Facebook devoted to pics from inside the metaverse. Check it out soon.

Crazy Numbers

I've been looking at my site-statistics lately. As where a year ago I was lucky to get 6 unique hits to my blog in a week, I received a total of 14 hits just yesterday alone, and every day for the last month have seen double-digits numbers. Why does this matter to me? For the same reason that it would matter to most anyone: I'm glad someone's listening to what I have to say.

Anywho, this week is going to suck no matter how I slice it. I have a major test today, a major paper due next week, a new CS programming project coming my way, and tons more. Although the short-term future seems shitty, I just double checked my Computer Science Major checklist, and wow... I'm definitely two more semesters away from finally graduating, with my only major requirements being three 400-level CS classes. My minor (Creative Writing) might hold me up a bit, but if I get lucky and can pull it all off and graduate after next fall.

Since I'm so wonderfully ahead, I'm going to focus all my efforts and use my awesome experiences thus far to help Colleen as much as possible in transitioning majors so late in her career. I understand her problem though: I was a VCT major for a year and couldn't stand the art classes that were required of it (despite the fact that I'm an artsy person). So hopefully that transition goes smoothly. I promise I'll do what I can for you! :-)

Time to Fess Up

As my walls come crumbling down, I make this admittance:

I really like someone. This someone captures my mind and heart in ways that I haven't experienced in a long time; and yet, I worry that I have no chance with her, simply because I did not treat her right the first time we dated... because I dug myself a hole that I could not get out of...

Wow!

My cellular billing cycle is up, and here are the results of this month's TXT messaging usage:

1860 IN-TXT message sent
1839 IN-TXT messages received

Grand Total: 3699 TXT messages!

Woo-Hoo!!!

The Invisible Blog Part II

Coming Soon:

I've debated about how to break some news, share some feelings, and outright tell the truth about some things, and I think the best place and time to do it will be on this blog sometime this week. Stay tuned.

The Three Week Countdown

I try not to dote on this fact too much, but I was reminded that today is Sweetest Day, which for me, officially kicks of a "three week countdown" to what was a year ago, the worst three weeks of my life.

On Sweetest Day, 2005, Lacey officially blew up at me (over my laziness?), and put us on "a break" that would eventually, three weeks after the fact (Nov. 5th), be our break up.

I'm not one to dote, but right now, I'm doting away.

Not For Your NESticles...

NES Panties for Ladies

'Nuff said...

What The...?

What a damn problem this must be...

Canada troops battle 10-foot Afghan marijuna plants

Googling

Wait, where did all the warm weather go? Oh, that's right... October's here...

Allow me a moment to cheer all things Google. It's no secret that I'm a huge fan of the company's services and advancements. In particular, a tighter integration of apps such as Blogger, Calendar, Docs & Spreadsheets, and GMail are slowly beginning to legitimately bring more and more of my life entirely online. The prospect of having all the information and programs that I need available from any Internet-connected computer is damn tempting, especially considering how much I am away from my home. There isn't a perfect solution yet (a mobile OS is pretty close *hint* *hint* Linux), but Google is getting closer with every month that passes. We'll see.

In other news, I'm in a very, very, very weird place with people right now. I have what amounts to three seperate people that I'm interested in, two moreso than the third, and one of those two much moreso than the other. All the while, I'm still kind of upset that Lacey's too busy to even hold a five-minute conversation with me. I guess that's what Bryan's for...

Eh, oh well... despite that fact, I'm having a blast with you-know-who anyway, so... yay!

The Invisible Blog Part I

So what happens when a bored computer geek gets creative?

This, I guess...

Big update later today, so stay tuned!

It's Over

In exactly two hours I am to return to classes... yuck!

Fall Break this year was more or less fairly standard for me. My usual two weeks of vacation off work was nice (I go back on Friday). I spent two solid days of my break working on a computer science project, and otherwise, it was a crazy five days (for me, anyway!) of spending quality time either in front of my computer, my GameCube, rediscovering the joys of old-school Pokemon, out and about with the wonderful Colleen and Co., shopping with Lacey, drinking, and/or writing.

Quite a successful Fall Break, if you ask me, actually. I sure as hell can't wait for this semster to be over with, though.

Anywho, I have a ton of work that needs done, so without further ado... it's off to school with me!

Thinking About Tomorrow

And just...
Let her cry... if the tears fall down like rain
Let her sing... if it eases all her pain
Let her go... let her walk right out on me
And if the sun comes up tomorrow
Let her be...

(Hootie and the Blowfish) "Let Her Cry"

Super!

Shit.

I'm starting to slip, and only one person knows the truth... and they aren't involved in my latest shit-fit.

Video Game Music Sweetness

While remembering my fonder years on this beautiful Saturday afternoon, I began to tap my foot to the beat of an old song, one that was a favorite of mine back in the early 1990's.

Although song may be stretching it a bit. It was the ending credits music to 1991's Super Mario World. A Google search and ten minutes later, I found a wonderful rendition of the complete SMW soundtrack, performed with various instruments and recorded in fairly-high-quality 160kbps VBR MP3.

Check it out (hint: it's well-worth the 37 MB download):

http://www.archive.org/details/xoc_SMW

Doin' Just Fine

So despite worries about school (tons of work to do over break), problems with certain... people, and massive, severe problems at home, I'm somehow feeling really good about my life right now, and in no part short because of my friends.

The last few days have been strangely fun. I've hung out with Colleen on two occasions, and both times were mostly a blast (apparently I'm a jerk, though). Not a biggie. Lacey's been awesome too, although she's quite busy with sorority stuff, so I'm usually bouncing back and forth between her and Colleen, depending on who's busy at what times.

Overall I have far fewer friends this semester than I did last, but I would like to think of it like this: as where last semester was full of change and experimentation, this semester is the happy-go-lucky result of that change and experimentation, and rather than trip over myself every week with places, people, and stress, I simply do what I wish to do, without causing any drama... and so far, it's wonderful.

Does anyone else here think that Hinder's "Lips of an Angel" is one of the most beautiful songs of 2006?

Has anyone ever had a random, spontaneous urge to kiss someone, simply because the moment was there and because it just felt right?

Maybe I'm going crazy, or maybe I'm following my heart.

Games, Girls, and... more Games

What an uneventful birthday (mostly... there WERE some good times...). Otherwise, phase two of my "birthday week" takes effect tonight: Once I settle in to my bedroom around 7:00pm, I'll turn on my GameCube, PS2, N64, SNES, and PC... in no particular order, and play video game upon video game until I pass out.

Indeed, short of a wild and crazy night with all my friends, time with games is all I could ask for.

Happy Birthday... ...To Me!

Indeed. It is my birthday. I originally had some sweet ideas for some birthday-poetry, but nothing positive came out of it, so instead I'm sticking to what I do best on my birthday. Reflecting on the past twenty-two years while deciding what to do with my life in the next 364 days.

A little, well-kept secret of mine: when I was 15, I made up my mind that I did not want to deal with adult life, and thus I was to take my own life on my 22nd birthday. I can honestly say that won't be the case; I'm looking forward to whatever shit-fest life has to throw at me next (and boy, has there been some shit this semester).

Besides, I've learned the hard way that life is not about what you end up with, it's how (and who) you get there with.

Finally, some of my favorite listening picks that'll be on repeat all day for me:

Hinder - "Lips of an Angel"
Bobby Gaylor - "Suicide"
Buckcherry - "Place In the Sun"
Blue October - "Inner Glow"
Live - "Lightning Crashes"
Tantric - "Breakdown"