When You Can't Control It...

Some elements, some feelings, some powers... even some hormones, you simply cannot control. You can try to fake it, hide them, or ignore them, but the feelings inside are unavoidable.

Case in point, what is the world's oldest profession?

Prostitution. Go ahead, click the link... look it up.

That must mean something. Even thousands of years ago, men had a strong enough desire to seek sex that women were willing to trade goods for sex. On the flip size, a woman with little to no wealth and no place to go must have tried to do anything and everything in her power to make money. The last physical item she owned -- her body -- was most likely the way to go.

Today, I know of many people who struggle with sexual desire, lusts, and temptation. There really seems to be two paths from here: good and evil. Good constitutes the friendly, socially-acceptable ways of releasing these desires, etc. Sex with a partner and masturbation fall within this category. Rape, prostitution, and most any form of forced-sexual intercourse constitute the evil ways of release.

And finally, there is my path: I can't seem to stop thinking about sex or any of its related premises (attraction, consideration, etc), but I'm in a position where I am unable to release any of this built-up tension. Sometimes I feel like I'm being driven to insanity, especially when I'm around certain people. Lately, I'm beginning to worry if some of my mannerisms regarding sex and my desires might be endangering my friendships.

At one point in my life, sex was such a critical juncture for me that it damaged a relationship I was in, enough to cause irreversible damage.

Nowadays, I worry more about finding sex than I do trying to establish any decent relationship first, and this hits home hard, considering I don't believe in random, careless sex.

Now isn't that a dilly of a pickle I am in?

I am hoping to reflect, rethink, and reestablish, and most importantly, gain complete control over my hormones and desires before they push me over the edge before I ever had a chance to say "I've grown up."

Out.