"What is love? Baby don't hurt me..."
Okay, so save for a classic Saturday Night Live sketch, the question at hand can be pretty serious. In Part I of my mini-essay, I gave a brief overview of my history with sex, and some initial thoughts on the "love versus sex" concept.
Today, I look at the question: How do love and sex tie together? In practice, I will answer this question by answering a variety of sub-questions. Please note that my answers for each question are based around the vocabulary and concept of each question; that is, I basically ignore the fact that each answer can easily be influenced by concepts from other questions. I do my best to sum this fact up at the end of this article.
1) Is it okay to have sex for fun?
This obviously changes from person to person, since "fun" takes on different meanings for different people. But my answer: yes, most definitely. Sex is very fun, and I always make the best of it when I do it.
2) Should friends have sex for fun?
Yes, with reservations. Sex is certainly fun (see above), and I would rather have sex with someone I know (ie, a friend), rather than a complete stranger (prostitute, maybe?). Still, there are obvious issues with this. Are both people in complete agreement with the situation? Are feelings for each other mutual? Will nearby friends be hurt by this? Then of course, there is the post-sex change in feelings that must be dealt with. Yes, sex with friends is reasonable, but only to a degree. Friends who are close, but not technically dating, are the best candidate for this type of sex.
3) Is it okay to have sex before marriage?
By all means, yes. One reoccurring concept for me is that humans are animals, and the natural instinct involved in reproducing (that one that says, you know... "do it!") should not be ignored all the time. It is perfectly okay for a person to respect his/her morals (for whatever reason that may be) and not cross certain boundaries before certain ages or major life events. However, for me, humans are animals, and animals do it. Marriage is a societal concept that does not always mean what it should, especially given that America's divorce rate is above fifty person. Go figure. So I say live it up whenever you're ready, even if it's before marriage.
4) Do two people need to be in love to have sex?
Ah yes, the big "finale." No is my answer. Yes is also my answer.
In defense of "no:" Sex is merely a reproductive act, and physically speaking, love is not required. Even internally, even as complex as human emotions may be, most emotions are able to be overcome with time. Depending on the emotional sensitivity of the individual(s), loveless sex may not be a big deal. I know for sure that I can have sex without love being present.
In defense of "yes:" Nothing, save for actual impairments, can stop two people from having sex. However, in my personal experience, having deep, passionate feelings for a person can greatly enhance the fun of sex via elated emotions. Quite simply, it's easier to be giving of the gift of sex when there is a strong, interconnected bond between two (three? four?) people. However, this is again a personal preference. What if a person does not care about his/her feelings and can get through sex just the same as one who cares deeply?
Any who, in summary:
I could not have sex with any random person. I could not have sex with random friends. I could have sex with close friends, or those for whom share my desires, interests, and understands of the subject. I could not simply fuck to fuck. I could have sex before marriage.
I can have loveless sex, merely because I would have sex with a select few of my friends, and I certainly don't "love" them to the degree that most people would consider "ready for sex." But that doesn't mean that I don't care about them. I am more than able to respect my friends to come to a mutual, agreeable decision regarding sex.
However, I would certainly prefer to have sex with someone who I can connect to, share feelings for, and understand wholy. We don't, however, live in a perfect world. Thus, I am certainly open to sex with anyone who can read this blog entry and go "yeah, I get that..."
I know there's at least one of you out there.
Thank you for reading.
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