Here's something I'm experimenting with: a slightly different, skewed version of my hit lists: themed points. My mind is all over the place lately, so hang on tight for a long ride.
"We are lost together..." (but I'm already found)
I'm sure of myself, right? I'm soon to graduate college, I'm financially stable (woot!), I have a comfortable home, a nice weekly routine, and good health. Sounds to me like I'm doing just fine.
Then again, maybe not. Graduation of college is great and all, but what comes next? Job hunting, huge bills, and plenty of real-world stress, that's what - and it worries me.
What about my financial situation? It's great - Meijer pays the bills and then some - but it can't hold me over forever, and I'm finding myself spending more and more liberally lately. In other words, the conservative habits that I developed to become so stable are out the door.
As for my comfortable home? I'm considering setting up a deal to move out next semester (just for the semester), and as awesome as that would be, much of my daily life still depends on what happens in my home - my family does a good job of taking care of me and reducing stress in my life. Moving out would introduce a whole new layer of stress on top of anything school or work might throw at me. In addition, I have a good friend that I would really like to move in with - to live with, to share a space with - but that's just a whole new boatload of potential as well.
As for my weekly routine, as I've said before, it may be what's hurting me the most. I can't break out of my shell. I can't do new things. I'm trapped in a tight routine with a tight schedule, and I feel creatively stagnant, socially unmotivated, and physically out of shape. It's all started to add up. It's nice to know that my routine is constant, but that's just the very problem.
Speaking of... good health? Lately I've been experiencing physical issues. Fatigue, painful headaches, constant thirst, heartburn all day long... the list goes on a bit, but all the symptoms are familiar to me: a combination of a bad diet and a lack of physical activity is resulting in a weight gain, and I need to reverse it. Getting a bit larger isn't a big deal (...), but becoming unhealthy is. When it comes to my physical shape, I generally take liberties from month to month, but when my physical health is challenged, I don't take chances. I was hoping to get around to working out after the new year, but I don't think I can go that long feeling so consistently tired and out of shape. I'll be at the Community Center ASAP beginning finals week, while altering my diet.
So on several fronts, both physically and mentally, I'm beginning to recognize problems and work towards solutions. That's a start, right?
"Walking in a straight line..." (but tripping over love)
Then again, I'm also in a weird place socially (aren't I always?). I generally try to keep a distinct line drawn between my friends, my crushes, and my loves. Lately I'm beginning to wonder if those lines no longer exists in some respects. I have trouble explaining my feelings even to myself, but lately I get the feeling that attachment can be a very good thing if handled correctly. And you know what? I'm handling it correctly (I think...).
For all the times that I frown over stress or pain or loneliness, the few smiles I get a day make everything else go away... it's a feeling I've missed for far too long.
"You may say that I'm a dreamer..." (and you'd be right)
Next semester I have to complete the first chapter of a novel for my English 413 class. I don't have a novel. Which means I have to do a lot of writing. If there was ever a story of mine worth being a novel, Event Horizon is it. My first draft of the story, a novella-length eighty-six pages, is complete but ultimately flawed. With a much firmer grasp on the craft of writing, I believe I want to spend next semester reinventing Event Horizon into a novel-length story, and push to make it my first full-length story. It'll be nice to integrate my most interesting piece of creative fiction into my day to day school routine.
"I'll be standing at the edge of the earth..." (but maybe with you)
Spring Break 2008 is way the hell up in the air. First and foremost, I want to return to the Smoky Mountains, but that depends entirely on what (if any) support I get to go with me. If you're interested, view the complete PDF introduction here.
But a more real spring break looks like it'll take me and some friends on a road trip all over the place, so my options are still open. Woot!
And with that, I'm sick-piss-and-tired of typing. Time for food, a concert, and most importantly, BED!
B3 out.
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