Silent Night

A few minutes ago I learned from my parents that my grandma has passed away. "Grandma Bruno," as we called her, of my dad's side, fought cancer for several months and finally gave in.

It will be a long, rough weekend, and a longer final week of school. I'll be back later this weekend on my normal blogging schedule. For now, I'm going to sit in the scary silence of my house and reminisce.

Themes From All Over

Here's something I'm experimenting with: a slightly different, skewed version of my hit lists: themed points. My mind is all over the place lately, so hang on tight for a long ride.

"We are lost together..." (but I'm already found)

I'm sure of myself, right? I'm soon to graduate college, I'm financially stable (woot!), I have a comfortable home, a nice weekly routine, and good health. Sounds to me like I'm doing just fine.

Then again, maybe not. Graduation of college is great and all, but what comes next? Job hunting, huge bills, and plenty of real-world stress, that's what - and it worries me.

What about my financial situation? It's great - Meijer pays the bills and then some - but it can't hold me over forever, and I'm finding myself spending more and more liberally lately. In other words, the conservative habits that I developed to become so stable are out the door.

As for my comfortable home? I'm considering setting up a deal to move out next semester (just for the semester), and as awesome as that would be, much of my daily life still depends on what happens in my home - my family does a good job of taking care of me and reducing stress in my life. Moving out would introduce a whole new layer of stress on top of anything school or work might throw at me. In addition, I have a good friend that I would really like to move in with - to live with, to share a space with - but that's just a whole new boatload of potential as well.

As for my weekly routine, as I've said before, it may be what's hurting me the most. I can't break out of my shell. I can't do new things. I'm trapped in a tight routine with a tight schedule, and I feel creatively stagnant, socially unmotivated, and physically out of shape. It's all started to add up. It's nice to know that my routine is constant, but that's just the very problem.

Speaking of... good health? Lately I've been experiencing physical issues. Fatigue, painful headaches, constant thirst, heartburn all day long... the list goes on a bit, but all the symptoms are familiar to me: a combination of a bad diet and a lack of physical activity is resulting in a weight gain, and I need to reverse it. Getting a bit larger isn't a big deal (...), but becoming unhealthy is. When it comes to my physical shape, I generally take liberties from month to month, but when my physical health is challenged, I don't take chances. I was hoping to get around to working out after the new year, but I don't think I can go that long feeling so consistently tired and out of shape. I'll be at the Community Center ASAP beginning finals week, while altering my diet.

So on several fronts, both physically and mentally, I'm beginning to recognize problems and work towards solutions. That's a start, right?

"Walking in a straight line..." (but tripping over love)

Then again, I'm also in a weird place socially (aren't I always?). I generally try to keep a distinct line drawn between my friends, my crushes, and my loves. Lately I'm beginning to wonder if those lines no longer exists in some respects. I have trouble explaining my feelings even to myself, but lately I get the feeling that attachment can be a very good thing if handled correctly. And you know what? I'm handling it correctly (I think...).

For all the times that I frown over stress or pain or loneliness, the few smiles I get a day make everything else go away... it's a feeling I've missed for far too long.

"You may say that I'm a dreamer..." (and you'd be right)

Next semester I have to complete the first chapter of a novel for my English 413 class. I don't have a novel. Which means I have to do a lot of writing. If there was ever a story of mine worth being a novel, Event Horizon is it. My first draft of the story, a novella-length eighty-six pages, is complete but ultimately flawed. With a much firmer grasp on the craft of writing, I believe I want to spend next semester reinventing Event Horizon into a novel-length story, and push to make it my first full-length story. It'll be nice to integrate my most interesting piece of creative fiction into my day to day school routine.

"I'll be standing at the edge of the earth..." (but maybe with you)

Spring Break 2008 is way the hell up in the air. First and foremost, I want to return to the Smoky Mountains, but that depends entirely on what (if any) support I get to go with me. If you're interested, view the complete PDF introduction here.

But a more real spring break looks like it'll take me and some friends on a road trip all over the place, so my options are still open. Woot!

And with that, I'm sick-piss-and-tired of typing. Time for food, a concert, and most importantly, BED!

B3 out.

Breaking Out

I haven't been terribly content with myself lately. I've been happy, yes, but not all-around satisfied with how I feel, what I get accomplished, and in general, I feel as if my near future will be somewhat bleak.

Thus, I set out to identify the problem. And I believe it has to do, as I've hinted at previously, with routine. I'm stuck in a rut, doing the same things from day to day, week to week, and this has produced a somewhat stale feeling in me. If nothing else, I dread going to most of my classes, mainly because I spent so much of the initial semester drudging from one to the other compliantly. Now it feels great to break routine when I don't have to go to a class.

I believe at issue is that I need to first learn to alter my daily routine: spend more time downtown, perhaps, or get around campus more often, rather than spending so much time locked up in Hayes 025. Perhaps I need to learn to sleep less, and get out on the weekends.

Even if I cannot invoke change within the next two weeks, I think I can survive sanely enough until winter break starts: and that will be a major change of pace for me.

B3 out.

The Rest of My Week

What a cool end-of-the-week it'll be.

I'm looking forward to spending all of my Thursday night geeking it out in my computer, installing new hard drives and operating systems, all while realizing that I'm horribly single (...) and loving it sort of (double ...). But to make matters better, I have no class on Friday, and a short shift at work (6am to 12pm), so I'll be able to kick back all day long (and I plan to!).

I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever get back into creative writing. I haven't had much time to write this semester. Between a stalemate for new ideas and a lack of desire to work on old stories, I'm just dead with writing. Perhaps winter break will motivate me? I haven't really broken from routine in the past few months, and without any experience to really captivate my mind, I just sit restless at my keyboard.

*sigh* B3 out.

Polls!

I'm taking advantage of Blogger's new polling feature, and I will be running a new poll every week, from Sunday to Saturday.

For the most part, I figure these polls will be innocent, light-hearted, and hopefully fun. I may not post a poll every single week, depending on my creative curve, so keep an eye locked on Critically Correct every Saturday night or Sunday afternoon for the update.

I'm looking forward to having fun with these polls, so vote early and vote often!

Where Do We Go Now?

I have lots to look forward to, and lots not to look forward to.

I ordered another hard disk drive for my computer today. A 250 GB Seagate Barracuda. If all goes to plan, my internal drive structure will look like this:

• 160 GB Seagate: Windows XP / core drive (games, personal files, etc.)
• 80 GB Maxtor: Ubuntu 7.10 / backup drive (partitioned into three logical volumes)
• 12 GB Seagate: Windows Vista / test configuration (compatibility and feature testing)
• 250 GB Seagate: Media Drive (supporting all my music, images, application sources, etc.)

That last one is the trick pony: the 80 GB Maxtor drive is currently my media drive, and it's outright full, with less than 500 MB of drive space free. By moving my media to a 250 GB drive, I have lots of room to expand my music and movie collection. Quite frankly, I'm excited. I haven't been purchasing music lately because I've been tight on drive space. I expect that over winter break and into January, my music collection will explode in size.

Which reminds me, I updated my Winamp master list, so click through on the link to the right for the new list.

Anywho, I have that project to look forward to: reconfiguring my computer, installing Ubuntu, and playing around. That'll be Thursday night's project. Until then, I don't have a lot to look forward to. I have to attend every one of my classes this week, without fail, all while preparing for finals on the side. I've been enjoying a great week off school with video games, but those might go to the wayside for a while.

On the plus side, I have a few opportunities this week for random events: a nice dinner out for a change, maybe a broadway play (ehhhhh...), and some time on Wednesday to dedicate myself to some fiction.

For now, I'm off to enjoy a peaceful night around the house since I don't work in the morning (woot!).

True Beauty

I have these thoughts in my head that I can't quite put into words. It's not that I'm at a loss for words -- it's more that what I want to say is not yet appropriate -- the time is not right! Oh, but what am I to do with all these pent-up thoughts, feelings, and wishes?

I'm sure about one thing, though, that I can say I'm sure about: I've seen real, true beauty, and I love it... what's a guy to do?

Tomorrow: a far less emotional post, and my week in review. Stay tuned!

Out.

Platforming Perfected

Super Mario Galaxy Review

No game in recent memory has generated as much hype as Super Mario Galaxy. Unlike games such as Crysis or Mass Effect, most of Galaxy's hype has not generated by the industry or press, but rather by Nintendo itself. Advertised since 2006 as "the true sequel to Mario 64," the title has a lot to live up to, simply because Nintendo wants us to believe that they have created a game as good as the eleven year-old genre-defining Super Mario 64.

After Super Mario Sunshine's well-designed but ultimately unfamiliar and flawed outing, the industry has a right to approach Galaxy with hesitation. And why not? If Sunshine was an island-based vacation away from the Mushroom kingdom, then Galaxy's space-themed worlds and micro-worlds are so far gone from Mario's roots that it's expected for anyone to approach the game with caution.

But never fear, loyal Mario fans. Nintendo has done on the Wii in 2007 what they did on the Nintendo 64 in 1996. Mario is back and better than ever. Super Mario Galaxy is nothing short of the best video game produced in years.

As where Super Mario 64 defined how 3D platforming should work, Super Mario Galaxy refines the formula to such a degree that it cannot be called anything other than perfect. Of course, it isn't truly perfect, but it's so damn close it may not matter. It is the single best platforming game ever created, and a very close second to Super Mario 64 in terms of potential industry impact.

Galaxy is more rewarding to play than Mario 64 ever could be. Yes, Mario 64 featured timeless game design: mini games, risk and reward, and above all else, exploration. In Galaxy, all the filler is removed: Mario is simply put into each level and given a clearly defined goal, and he must accomplish it. Exploration is still rewarded, but certainly isn't necessary: you can zip to every one of the stars in just a few play sessions (if you're that dedicated), and you will not become bored: variety is Galaxy's strength. No two star tasks are the same (although some similar in nature), and it's amazing to keep playing after the 50th star and still be discovering new places, new directions to walk, and new things to do. Collection tasks are kept small, and when completed usually bring well-deserved success. Boss battles are plentiful, albeit a bit on the easy side.

Controlling Mario is as pleasant an experience as it's always been. The analog control is as tight as ever, and Mario's moves feel responsive. One area that I take issue with, however, is the sometimes confusing movement about the worlds. Because Mario will be right-side up one moment and upside-down or side-ways the next, altering your course on the analog stick can be disorienting for those not able to fully grasp all three dimensions of Mario's world. A little practice will set things straight, however.

Interestingly, major media outlets are right: despite being set in space, Galaxy feels like a return to the Mario of yore. Familiar faces are all over: enemies, allies, graphics, worlds, and especially music. This is indeed a proper evolution of Mario, and although the space theme may be of concern for some, rest assured that all the elements that make Mario's universe special fit just right in Galaxy. I'm glad to see the franchise where it is now, and I look forward to what's in the future.

Finally, Galaxy brings with it something that's been missing in games for a long, long time: the Nintendo magic that makes a game simply a joy to romp around in. Exploring Galaxy the first time through is just as awe-inspiring as jumping around Super Mario 64 was in 1996. The diversity of forty-odd levels increases this exploration factor even more, although levels are not equally huge across the board.

A few technical notes. Galaxy is a beautiful game from front to back, and runs extraordinarily well on the Wii. Water distorts, sun shines, lights glow, and everything is displayed with a rock-solid frame rate to boot. The camera system is Galaxy is largely automatic, but is thus far the best 3D camera ever implemented in a video game, period (first person shooters don't count!).

All in all, the 120 stars, dozens of worlds to explore, classic music, tight control, colorful graphics, and pure Mario charm should keep players glued to this game for quite some time to come. Say hello to your new platforming king, Super Mario Galaxy!

My Top Ten Movies

I'm a fan of many things -- video games, food, music, biking, girls -- and of course, movies. Tonight, I'm taking a small trip down memory lane and I'm running through my top ten favorite movies, in order, and saying a little about why I love each one of them. Enjoy.

Starting with my favorite movie and working down to ten...

Spirited Away

Although I only first discovered Spirited Away in early 2006, I was blown away by it. More than any other movie, Spirited Away feels like a return to childhood - to a time when the world was still new, exploration yielded risk and reward, and I felt like growing up was impossible. Nonetheless, Spirited Away is a coming of age story unlike any other, and I hold it dear to my heart unlike any film before or after it.

The Lion King

Before Spirited Away came along, The Lion King was it for me. Ever since it's 1994 release, it has consistently captured my imagination in ways that I can never fully explain. Perhaps it's the bright, vivid animation, or the beautiful and bouncy soundtrack, or the timeless story and life lessons, or perhaps it's just a sweet Disney movie. Along with The Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin, The Lion King represented some of Disney's best 1990s films.

Jurassic Park

Before CGI came along and ruined movies, CGI was simply born by this movie. Between sharp visuals, a great story, an involving cast, and plenty of cool theoretical technology to go along with it all, Jurassic Park sits as one of my all-time favorite afternoon popcorn movies.

Tremors

Humor, horror, action, and suspense all done perfectly right -- in one package, no less. If it weren't for the House of Mouse, this movie might just be my number one favorite. Forget all the logic holes, Tremors is a must see at least one or twice a year.

Twister

Another good use of CGI. Usually credited with starting the "natural disaster" genre in 1996, I've always been attracted to Twister due to my love of nature and violent storms. The homely, realistic feel that the characters give off is always a welcome, and the pace of the movie is almost perfect. I'll watch this at anyone's request.

The Abyss

Deep, dark, and cold. The Abyss sits somewhere between sci-fi and horror, suspense and romance. More than anything, I'm scared of small, tight spaces and water. This movie has both, and then throws in creepy aliens that turn out to be more than meets the eye. Not exactly a movie for everyone, but it's all good on my list.

Spider-Man 2

I feel miserable. This movie should be far higher on my list. Spider-Man 2 is the perfect film. Period. Spider-Man was an incredible film, and Spider-Man 3 was too busy. Spidey 2 gets it all right for me: romance, action, revenge, science, regret -- and of course, web-slinging! All in all, I feel that this could contend with any of the above films for my top spot, but in all honesty, most the above films have been around longer, and their longevity to me means something special. In about ten years, look for Spidey to move way up my list.

Back to the Future

The first film in this trilogy was astonishingly cool, although it took me until about 1998 to get it all. When I finally did, it shot onto my Top 10 list without hesitation. Time travel in a tin can car is cool, and so is this movie. The third film gets props for doing a western better than most genre films today even do. But watching the DeLorean roll out of that trailer in the first movie did it all for me.

The Matrix

I'm an atheist. But if I did believe in a religion, this movie would be it. I do believe in this film, and so should you. Ever since I "got it" in 1999, The Matrix has redefined how I view the world, and I always question if what I see, hear, smell, touch, and taste is truly "there."

The 40 Year Old Virgin

Love, raunchy humor, and a great story pushes this film to round out my top ten, just BARELY pushing American Pie 2 off the list for title of my favorite sex comedy. I believe what makes this film so great isn't that it's focused on sex, but that the film is never pretentious about it. You hear the jokes and are put in the awkward situations, but the film never falls into the perverted trap of endless penis jokes. It's a love story first and foremost, and I like that.

Here's to 365 Days of Rocking Out

One year ago, give or take, a game came into my life.

I'm a gamer by nature, from the depths of my heart, and I've played a lot of games. Some games have been "meh" (Mario Is Missing, anyone?) while others have left a deep impression on me (Ocarina of Time). One game, however, has been with me everyday since the moment it entered my house a year ago, and that game is none other than the insanely-awesome Guitar Hero II.

I was a year late to the Guitar Hero party, having missed the first game entirely. In fact, I was introduced to the second game purely because my sister's awesome boyfriend bought it for us. I've never looked back since day one.

More than any game in recent memory, GH2 has been a pick-up and play experience for me unlike any other. Not only a well-crafted game that I admire for it's tight design, but it's been there as a support tool for a whole year now. Frustrated with friends? Rock out to Guitar Hero. Upset with Lacey last year? Rock out to Guitar Hero. Feeling great about a song or a beat? It'll probably have a close cousin in Guitar Hero for me to rock out to. Feeling in love and passionate about life? Fire up the bloody "Freebird" and jam all night.

In its first year in my life, Guitar Hero 2 has rarely left my Playstation 2. And I don't see it leaving anytime soon. With Guitar Hero 3 out now and Rock Band just out the door, I think I'll be spending the next year rocking out to plenty of music.

Losing A Whole Year

"I remember you and me used to spend
The whole God damned day in bed..."

I need help.

Today was just all kinds of fucked up for me. For one, I went to bed far earlier than I anticipated last night. Then I slept in far later than I really should have... ever. Noon!? What the hell?

But in all honesty, I'm glad I did. I felt as if I was with someone very special, and in a weird kind of way, it all felt natural (sounds odd, doesn't it?). Unfortunately, it's back to reality soon: work tomorrow, of which time I'll leave I'm not sure about yet, and then dinner with my family, although I have no idea when or where I'll be at yet (probably my house?).

Ah well. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I'm actually not entirely looking forward to it. Even though I'll see most of my family, I still feel like something or someone will be missing. It'll be a sadder day than a happier day.

B3 out.

Putting My Nose In All the Right Places

Have you ever just felt "comfortable" even though you're in a foreign place?

I experienced that feeling today, and it was wonderful; as if I was waking up in my own bed a million times over, knowing exactly that this is where I want to be. Suffice to say, I'm all smiles.

In other news, Thanksgiving break is upon us, and I have any, all of, or just some of the following to look forward to:

• Campus Pollyeyes for dinner (yum!)
• Possibly breakfast out Wednesday morning
• Tons of Wii fun with Super Mario Galaxy
• Guitar Hero III with my sister and Josh
• Thanksgiving dinner with family and (maybe) a friend or two
• Lots of blogging

Of course, I have no idea what my long weekend will look like, but that's a fair start. Oh yes, don't forget to throw Meijer in there, too. It is Black Friday this week, after all.

Out.

Falling For the First Time

What a week it's going to be!

I can't begin to put into words the feeling inside me right now.

I'm. Simply. Ecstatic. And I barely understand why. I think the word "potential" is appropriate -- I feel like everything in my life is on the upswing, and here's why.

Super Mario Galaxy has turned out to be incredible. Jaw dropping. Game of the Year. Everything you may have heard about the game is true, and then some. It's simply a joy to play, and I'll elaborate on this later this week when I publish my full review. It'll be sucking up most of my time this Thanksgiving.

As a short aside, I experienced a sort of panic attack today. The track pad on my Eee PC became sluggish and difficult to use. I heard that the Eee PC might have a high component-failure rate, especially in the first batch sent out, but I was pissed. After making several fruitless phone calls to Asus and sending email to set up a warranty depot, I realized that the track pad sensitivity was turned all the way down. Oops.

In new-ish news, I'm making some changes.

First up, Alternate Control Computing is dead. As a brand I didn't push it far and as a service it was under-utilized. I'm keeping my copyrights for it, though, and might still poke it around from time to time. I'll still, of course, put my services of computer repair to use for anyone who needs the help. I will be running ACC's Open Source Software Support on a personal basis now.

I'm also in the middle of learning XHTML/CSS and I'm quite prepared to soon update the BrandonBruno.com portal with a fancy -- read that again: fancy -- new front end, with some new functionality as well. I'm planning to set up a web server in late spring 2008, so by then I will be hosting several new websites and perhaps even some applications from the BrandonBruno.com portal. I undertook a project to learn XHTML/CSS/PHP/Apache in late October, and I'm progressing nicely. I intend to spend much of winter break dinking with this project.

Shifting gears, it's time to be ambiguous. A feeling that I haven't experienced in five years is overwhelming me in new ways, and I'm learning that for all the new things I promised myself about relationships, I'm not quite living up to right now. I'm hesitant about my near future but hopeful about my long-term future. On the other hand, I'm trying so many new things and learning so much about other people that it's almost scary. How much of myself can I give to someone else before I completely fall?

Ah well, who the hell cares, right? It's Thanksgiving after all. For all the time that I've spent away from home lately, this week is all about spending time with my family. BGSU only has two days of class (woot!) and then I'm planning some crazy good times around the house and with family. I should be able to see my sister too. I hope. After this week, it's just two weeks of school, then finals. Shit, that's scary!

And what would Thanksgiving be without mentioning of Meijer. Ever since they hired help for me, Heather, my life at Meijer has been considerably easier, and I don't fear the coming work week. I only work six hours on Thanksgiving, so I'm able to still eat dinner with my family. Of course, this week will be worth the extra hours: holiday paycheck bonus!

Well I've rambled enough! I'm off to prepare for bed and pack for tomorrow.

B3 out.

A Quickie and First Thoughts

Just a short, random update.

Work today was amazing. I swear I walked into Meijer at 5:56am, blinked, and it was 2:30pm. The day went amazingly fast, which was thanks to plenty of random jobs that needed done. Unfortunately, some problems have come to my attention that I need to address desperately bad next Tuesday. It seems my new partner is being told how to do her job from a thousand different people, which is causing confusion and possibly discouraging her from what really is a fun job. I'm hoping to meet her ASAP next Tuesday to get things straightened out. I wish I could've met her last night.

Anywho, shifting gears entirely: I was able to play a little bit of Super Mario Galaxy last night, and in my first hour with the game, I can say this: it holds promise. My full review won't come until next week, but so far it is a solid platform, no doubt, and I'll probably have smaller write ups on it throughout the weekend. Stay tuned.

I suppose I should get ready for class... tonight will be all about cleaning, writing, and gaming... my kind of night!

Out.

Over The Hump and All Downhill

3... 2... 1...

And exhale.

My CS 409 compiler project is complete and turned in. I use the word "complete" loosely, however, so I guess I'll have to see how it comes out in a few weeks.

So now that half of my major stress of the semester is over, what's next? I really don't know, but I feel like a free, new man. I still have to study and prepare for a two difficult final exams, but beyond those, I'm mostly on easy street.

I'm celebrating this by indulging myself in video games. Tonight I will be picking up either Super Mario Galaxy or The Orange Box, and either way I'm not looking back to school for a while. I do work all weekend, but when I'm not slaving at Meijer I'll be vegging out in front of a computer monitor, a TV, or my DS. Come next Monday it's back to some formal resemblance of routine, but until then this programmer is on vacation.

B3 out.

Moving On... Out!

... or so I wish.

I guess in many ways I'm starting to feel separated from my "old self." I don't even know how to define my "old self" - where does one drawn a line and say "yes, this is the point at which I changed?" I really can't do that yet, but I do know that I'm changing. I feel it.

I'm slowly becoming further spaced from my parents and my home, mainly because I spend such little time there. With ninety-percent of my life able to fit into a couple of bags, I don't find much need to be home other than to sleep, get clean clothes, and eat free food. I blame it on school mostly - I'm always plugging away on projects or reading. I also blame it on my creative stalemate. I find it hard to gather inspiration for my fiction within the confines of my home, making me venture to BG on a daily basis, writing or not.

Then again, they say that "home is where your heart is." I'm beginning to think that my heart is elsewhere else besides my house right now... I think it's firmly planted outside of my past and into a potentially awesome future...

Summer Longing

I've told myself countless times that I'm prepared and ready for summer to be over and winter to be here. Brisk, windy days; hats, gloves, and warm coats; an infinitely-comfortable bed in the morning; blinding-white snow blanketing the land - as corny as it sounds, winter is awesome.

But then today happened. After getting up and around (yummy McDonald's!) I stepped outside on my back porch to make an unnerving discovery: it was warm. Certainly not mid-July warm, but a comfortable sixty degrees. I opened all the windows in my house, turned off the heat, and as I type this, I am enjoying a soothing warm breeze, refreshing in the utmost, blowing past me. I love it.

If winter is all about locking up, staying warm, and hunkering down, then summer is the do-all, carefree, let-yourself-go season. I've felt locked up since early October, but today freed all that: today made me feel like I'm free again, like I'm new.

What a feeling. B3 out.

Schedule Up!

I've posted my full Spring 2008 semester schedule on my Public Events Google Calendar. Check it out if you wish - you will have to select January of next year or later, however.

Decisions, Decisions...

I just got back from a surprisingly brisk walk around campus, and I feel more refreshed now than I have in recent memory. I sometimes forget how beneficial being active is. When I used to work out at the community center on a daily basis, I was used to a daily high of adrenaline. With school bearing down on me so much and no motivation to work out, I've lost touch with that feeling of physical accomplishment.

Perhaps once my CS compiler project is turned in this Thursday (already a day of celebration!), I can look to working out a bit more?

Then again, maybe I'm just full of myself. Time for class!

Stuff All Over

Crazy week, I say... and it's only Monday.

Lots of stuff on my mind, and here's a small sampling.

I'm horrendously excited about something that's many months away: Spring Break '08. Yes, I'm not even in the same semester, but I have to admit one thing: spring break means a lot to me this time. It's my last. I will be announcing my final idea for spring break next week, so stay tuned.

Shifting gears: I generally consider Facebook to be a central pillar of my life. Unfortunately, it's beginning to become my enemy. I'm seeing lots of my old friends and high school peers now moving on from college (I have one more semester left), and some moving onto even bigger ambitions, such as moving out of the country! In a world where I still live with my parents and don't feel very accomplished, I'm insanely depressed about see so much getting done in other peoples' lives. I guess my time will come. In a way, however, I'm already beginning to see a "new me" emerge - in ways I wish I could describe.

I've been quite impressed with a friend of mine. Having been going through some rough times lately (really, really rough), I believe he simply decided that "enough is enough" and has done something that few people really can: turned his life around. Losing weight, moving out, upping the income - the end result is a much trimmer, amicable, and all-around great guy to hang around with, and I'm certainly going to make more time to chill with him outside of work.

Which brings me to my problem: I envy my friend. For all the times that I've wanted to turn my life around, I've simply started a change only to find failure a few weeks (days!?) into it. Granted, my friend seemed to be at a really low point in his life, and I think he deserves every bit of respect that he's getting now for what he's done. Do I have to hit rock bottom before I can truly accomplish some of my goals? I really don't know, but I've done some rotten stuff in my life and have been in some pretty bad spots - I guess they weren't bad enough.

I have, however, made substantial changes to my life before. And I didn't hit rock bottom. Quite the opposite: I saw a potential opportunity, knew what I wanted, and gunned for it, all the while setting a plan to better myself towards that goal. What was all this about? The pursuit of a girl. What makes the present any different, especially in my single-loner-loser life? I think there might just be another chance at love sometime soon... then again, I really don't know...

In random other news, Jonathon Coulton's credits song from Valve's Portal is now on my MP3 player, and the hype is true: as far as video games go, "Still Alive" is one of the best songs ever written. I have yet to play Portal (that'll be this Friday), but I know enough of the game to understand the humor of the song. It's catchy as hell too. Worth a listen.

Anywho, I think it's time to get back to homework. I have a full Tuesday ahead of me, which includes classes, work, homework, food, studying, and writing. Yikes. See you on the flip side.

Really Bad Dreams

I usually don't remember my dreams on a Saturday night - I'm usually out cold all night thanks to a hefty dose of sleeping pills (well, hefty is a lie - more like one). But last night was something else.

I had a dream that scared the poopy out of me. Yes, I just said poopy.

While enjoying a beautiful, warm summer day in my backyard with my mom and dog, Elli, an explosion rocks area, and while I try to stabilize myself and prevent Elli from freaking out, another explosion blasts right between her and I. We are both blown back, but I come to momentarily. I get up and run to our flower garden, its reds, greens, yellows, and purples replaced with craters and dirt. Worst of all, my dog, Elli, is in horrid condition. The remainder of the dream focuses on me observing Elli, who is propped on her back, her stomach split wide open down the middle, her insides strewn across the ground. Among the pale orange organs, red and blue blood vessels, twisted intestines, and still-beating heart, Elli is desperately howling and trying to get to her non-existent feet, and all I can do it panic as I watch her organs slowly die and wilt in the summer sun. She eventually gives up her struggle and falls to silence.

With a dream like this, I should have woken right up, most likely terrified. Instead, the dream shifted to the Smoky Mountains, where my friend Brent and I spent Spring Break '06. While walking among the chilly March air of the snowy forest, the exact same explosions tear the area apart, and split Brent's body in half, sending organs, blood, and muscle all about the area. Brent's vitals are still ticking, though, and he cries for my help as I again witness his innards slowly fade from life and eventually give up before his eyes turn stone-cold glossy.

The dream then fades, and my alarms wake me up. Suffice to say, I'm scared to sleep tonight...

Random Downers

Hit list time!

• I'm quickly entering a period of depression. It's not hard to spot - after work yesterday I suddenly became a different person - less talkative and less willing to agree to a simple "yes" - and it's carried into today quite well. Yes, I'm stressed with my CS project due this week, but once it's complete, I'm on easy street the rest of the semester. It's not that. I really don't know what's causing it this time. There are some factors in my life that could potentially bring me down, but they haven't yet - there's no reason for them to bring me down. Hell, tonight I was finally, finally, finally able to take care of some of my frustrations, but guess what... I feel even worse now. I think part of it isn't that I wanted to do it. I forced myself - poked and prodded - before I finally just pushed myself over the edge. I don't feel much better for doing it, though, and that bugs me... I should feel loads better, right? (ramble... ramble... ramble...)

• Anywho, I have a growth on my right eyelid that is extremely painful. It started Thursday, grew Friday, and is unbearably painful today. Worse, despite denying it all day today, my vision is beginning to blur in my right eye, so if things are looking better by Monday afternoon, it's off to the doctor for me. I'm not sure if my family has a history of severe eye problems, but lots of my family has been in for eye surgeries, so I guess we'll see what happens (Christ, what a shitty pun...).

• In order to help starve off my oncoming depression, I'm taking Sunday as a reboot day. Yes, I have major work to do on my CS project, but I'm devoting my entire day to rebooting and programming, with little else to bug me (eh, at least not until the late evening hours, which I'm looking forward to... it seems to be my only pick-up in life right now - the one thing that makes me feel like the world is mine, no matter how down I am). Hopefully come Monday morning I'll be back to myself. If not, expect me to go nuts.

And with that, I'm off to bed for a full Sunday at work. I have found a way to make my Sunday shifts fly by, so I'm hoping that I can blink a few times and watch eight hours pass me by. Here's hoping.

B3 out.

What's Around The Corner

... I really wish I knew.

I've found the Eee PC to be the perfect blogging companion: I can carry it pretty much anywhere as easily as a book, and pop it open and jump on the Internet within a minute. Expect to hear from me on Critically Correct a lot more often :-)

Anywho, I'm having a surprisingly bad Friday night. I'm irritable for some reason. Work was just 'okay' today - nothing exciting. But after that, my day went downhill for reasons that I can't explain. I didn't enjoy myself in class today, despite looking forward to workshop. I was silent the entire time. Afterwards I was looking forward to dinner and minor shopping and then random plans, but thus far I'm being shot down on all accounts.

As I write this I'm in DQ, waiting for the food I ordered - 45 minutes ago. They are understaffed more than usual, so I can sort of forgive this. I was supposed to go shopping for winter gear at 5, but even so, I have not heard if this is still the plan a half-hour later. I was also to have a somewhat random night, but fatigue and other plans have disrupted this.

It's not that things and plans change - I understand that things come up and that some people can grow tired of me, but why does it bug me so much that a constant in my life suddenly isn't there?

Random post, I know... blame that on the Eee. Oh wait... food's coming!

The Eee Is Here

I won't explain what the Eee PC is. For that, visit any of the following links:

Wikipedia: Eee PC
EEEUser.com

And without further ado, my initial categorized thoughts on the EEE PC:

• Keyboard - Like any good Eee PC reviewer might, I'm typing this blog entry on my new Asus Eee PC laptop, and thus far, it is an impressive piece of technology. My initial thoughts upon opening it were quite simple: "damn, it's tiny." Everything about the Eee is small. As I type this entry, I find myself making quite a few mistakes on the tiny keyboard, but I can certainly see that with time this will become a moot point. Amazingly, Asus managed to cram all major keyboard functions onto the Eee keyboard, which is a plus for shortcut-heavy users such as myself. On the downside, it is a small keyboard, and will take somewhat of a learning curve to become accustomed to it. For my big hands it almost straddles the line between touch-typing, which would be a huge negative point. Almost.

• Display - Next to the keyboard, the 7-inch display was also a concern for me. At only 800 x 480 pixels, screen space becomes a commodity. Horizontal scrolling in web pages is minimal, however, especially since most websites use a 800-pixel width standard (although this will change in the future as resolutions grow ever-larger). The backlight is nothing incredible, but is more than adequate in most situations. Most of all, despite being a minuscule screen, it always looks crisp and vibrant, avoiding the toy-like appearance that it could have come away with. I have not run any color reproduction tests, but in general colors seem a bit on the washed-out side thus far. Viewing angles are excellent as well.

• Build - Like a rock. At under two pounds, the Eee PC already feels breakable, and although I wouldn't want to drop it, I think it could sustain quite a few falls. Obviously the solid state hard disk (SSD) is a major plus here, as well as the minimal use of separate panels. It feels like one solid unit - and perhaps awesome - feels like a device that costs far more than its $400 price tag.

• Software - The desktop is certainly nice, and as far as usability is concerns, tops anything put out by Microsoft or Apple. The OS blends tabbed and task-oriented panels with a taskbar for switching among programs, and it does so very well. Although I feel a bit turned off by the simple interface, I can certainly see those new to computing as feeling accomplished after using the OS. I don't use programs like Skype, but the inclusion of Firefox, OpenOffice, Pidgin, and a well-rounded media player is awesome.

• Heat - I've noticed the Eee PC becoming rather warm after just twenty minutes of use. The system is mostly devoid of moving parts, save for one cooling fan that I have only seen kick in during a full-screen YouTube video (I was also running OpenOffice and Pidgin). The heat is by no means unbearable, merely distracting.

• Final Thoughts - I've only owned the Eee PC for less than a day, but it rocks. As a second laptop, I am in love. I wouldn't recommend this as a main computer to anyone, nor as a first laptop, as the small keyboard and limited screen resolution can cramp a user rather quickly. However, for everyone else, I highly recommend it as a cheap, highly-portable computing device. I have been lugging a 9-pound Inspiron around on my back for the past four years. I bought the Asus Eee PC as a small alternative for basic computer tasks, and it excels in every way possible.

Anywho, with that mini-review out of the way, one other random thought:

• The Eee PC OS breaks new ground in usability. With Asus expected to ship between 3 and 6 million units before March 2008, Microsoft just missed the boat on a breakthrough product - although you can install Windows yourself, you won't find an Eee PC preinstalled with Microsoft's software for some time to come. Could this be a potential turning point for Linux as an OS?

All Tongue

What does it feel like to think that you have everything under control, that you know exactly what you want to happen, but as things roll along, the outcome is unexpected?

I feel like that right now, and I can't put the feeling into words.

School is rough: I'm having trouble concentrating. I have a schedule for next semester written, and it is awesome (read: mornings free, plenty of time for work, and no painful classes!). Other than that, I'm finding myself distracted too easily during my day to enjoy this semester. I have so many other things besides school that I want to do: writing, blogging, gaming... What's a guy to do?

And then there is that, of course... oh yes, that which is the greatest of things... the greatest distraction in my life is also the greatest desire in my life.

But anywho, I'm otherwise enjoying the return to cold weather, and I'm patiently waiting for Thursday's delivery of my EEE PC. It'll be one hell of a Thursday for me.

Anywho, time to focus on class for a change...

Out.

Stay Tuned for Thursday Night

Coming Soon: The ASUS EEE PC into my home.

Stay tuned for my:

• First impressions
• Unboxing photos
• Usability report

I'll have my hands on it, by schedule, on Thursday afternoon and will have a post up Thursday night.

What Is Real?

"What is real?  How do you define real?
If you're talking about
your senses; what you feel, taste,
smell, or see, then all you're
talking about are electrical
signals interpreted by your brain."

On occasion I turn to some of the greatest fiction ever told to explain myself. I'm not a religious man, but The Matrix speaks volumes to me. I don't believe in aliens, but Half-Life might has well be a history lesson for me. What's interesting about both of these fiction pieces is that they blend the line between reality and fiction.

It's undeniable that The Matrix is one of the greatest fiction stories ever told. I'm not talking about Reloaded or Revolutions, some of the worst fiction ever told (although it is worth noting that while the general public - myself included - did not enjoy the second two films, the trilogy taken as a whole presents some fascinating philosophy to pour over). The original 1999 The Matrix put into question our existence as it stands today, and the back story to the movie seems perfectly plausible: artificial intelligence that becomes so good it overtakes our own civilization. How ironic would (will?) that be? At the same time, if we are already living in a Matrix of our own, then would our machine overlords allow us to develop such technology within the borders of our own prison? I get goosebumps when I think too deeply into this.

On the flip side, Half-Life is easily one of the best action games of all time, with a mildly straight-ahead story to boot, yet it is set up with a more fictional plausibility. Half-Life 2, and its subsequent Episodes, represent more challenging questions about human nature, the progress of civilization, and our fuzzy future. I expect (rather, hope) that when Episode Three hits next year, one of the greatest stories ever told comes to a take-no-prisoners, heart-pounding, genre-defining resolution.

Both of these works represent some of the most influential fiction in my life, and the inspiration for much of my philosophy on life. I'm not a religious man, but I certainly to believe in Neo and Gordon Freeman.

When Things Just Go Right

... or do they? Despite a week full of some mighty-crappy lows, I have seen a quite a few highs as well. What makes this past week so interesting is that the lows really sucked (and continue to do so), but the highs really, really rocked (and hopefully will keep doing so).

So just want do I mean, exactly? I suppose school is what sucks -- tons of homework, group work, and a major project deadline, The Compiler: Part II, is coming up real soon. I'm stressing like mad over that. I'm officially in crunch time.

So what's so great about this past week? Man, I can't really even pinpoint it -- a lot of things, from randomly realizing that Meijer is a great job (I have hired help now!) to learning a lot about who I am and what I want. For the first time in about five years, I have a sure-fire feeling about something in my life, and I'm just gunning full-steam ahead to see what happens, whether for good or for bad (hopefully good, though!).

Time for a major weekend of Meijer, homework, cleaning, and dieting. B3 out.

Abanding Ship?

I've had plenty of random thoughts lately. Time for a hit list. (Disclaimer: some material may not be suitable for you... yes, you.)

• Blogger has been disappointing me lately. I've always stuck with Blogger for it its minimalist design, ad-free environment, and fairly-straightforward Dashboard front-end. I've liked it more recently because it's owned by Google - a company that I already have much vested in (school work, GMail, Docs, etc.). Unfortunately, I've discovered the professional trimmings and more advanced options of Wordpress to be insanely tantalizing for my maturing writing tastes. Could a defection be on the horizon?

• Why do some people who say they never want to talk to me again visit my blog every day of the week, usually two or three times a day?

• I'm finding myself in a hard place. I want lots of nice things. The problem? I can financially afford them. I'm just not sure if I should, given that Christmas is just around the corner (already spent a boatload for some gifts). Then again, selfishness isn't generally my style, and with my commitment to be less selfish (a month-old pledge that's paying off very well!), I think I'll hold off and put my money to better uses.

• I overslept like a bitch this morning, missing my first CS class (oops... although not a terribly-big deal), but I'm spending my afternoon catching up on teaching myself CSS, JavaScript, and PHP.

With that, I'm out.