"You Gotta Get Over It"

Instructions for how to get over someone
as written by Brandon Bruno (c. 2003)

Warning: Do not skip steps or halve ingredients.

You will need:

• Several months of time (years if necessary, see Step 4)
  
• Something that annoys you about the person you like
  
• All your favorite music, or a suitable comfort substitute
  
• A life

Preparation:

• Take your life and determine what your strengths and interests are. You will need these for later.

• Build several dozen-sized playlist of your favorite music. Build groups: depressing music, cheery music, head-banging music, regret music, and balls-out rock music. Burn these to CDs and keep in your car. Keep the playlists near you on your MP3 player.

• Realize that you have more to accomplish than to vie for one person's attention.

Steps:

• Step 1: Cry yourself to sleep for about a week. Assume the worst. The person you like is not there for you, and you have no chance at redeeming yourself at this point. There is no affection returned. Cut them out of your life slowly, let the pain go.

• Step 2: Now that you are distanced from this person, take every quirk they ever annoyed you with, no matter how large or small, and make them your anti-thesis. These quirks annoyed you for a reason, now is the time to acknowledge that reason.

• Step 3: Wallow in your music. If music is not your thing, do what is necessary to lose yourself in another place and time. Movies, video games, books. Get away, escape. Be comfortable in what you know and love and what makes you an individual.

• Step 4: Do what you love. Jogging, crafting, sports, gaming... Whatever makes you utterly unique and frees your mind, do it. For months. Get into new routines, put to rest old routines. If necessary, repeat this step until you evolve. New friends, new jobs, new places. This might take years.

• Step 5: Learn what hate feels like. Recall fond memories of this person. Cry a little. Cry a lot. Rummage through old pictures. Now recall all the great new things you have going for you. Hate this person, but hate them for all the right reasons (the "right reasons" will be left as an exercise for the student).

• Step 6: Months, years, or a decade may have passed by now. Seek out this person, say hello, and introduce yourself. Congratulations, you did it.

B3 out.