I'm not yet sure if I like my new scheduling routine for work. Meijer has me working Sunday through Wednseday, then Friday; Thursdays and Saturdays are mine, and mine only. So today, my first free Saturday in a long time, I've found myself in a tight spot. Given that my day will be short (I'm in bed around 6pm for work at 4am on Sunday), I tried to wake up early today (about 7am) in order to maximize my time... and yet, I'm not quite there.
I did do a lot today. I've become acquainted with my new games, No More Heroes and Mercury Meltdown Revolution, walked Elli, did a short mile-long run (holy crap was it tiring), installed the latest Ubuntu operating system (highly positive write-up soon), worked on a program that I'm developing for my mom, and cleaned out my car. With all that done in less than nine hours, why do I feel so crappy, so counter-productive?
I'm pretty sure it has something to do with deeper, more personal issues. The absolute worst things that can come between two happy people - mistrust and paranoia - are beginning to creep into my life in ways that fundamentally upsets my daily persona. I can't wake up happy and content on a beautiful spring day knowing that the one person I love has a bit of a mean streak towards me: I'm not trusted, and it's slowly biting into the positive image that I'm trying to portray on the world.
Of course, this short rant sounds like a blame game. It's not: I'm 100% responsible for where I am today in all of this, so it's my own doing that's my undoing. Still, I'm on the verge of taking the troubles in my life to the next step; to a more severe level of determination, responsibility, and resolve in order to get through this crappy "down" time as smoothly as possible - and eventually (and hopefully) rebuild all trust in my life.
Otherwise, "trustless-love is an oxymoron" (me, circa 2001).
B3 out.
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