Far Too Fast to Be a Blast From the Past

It seems as though Thursdays will become my "me" days this summer. I'm always going to get Thursdays off work from Meijer, and after a four-day work week, it's nice to have a full day to just myself: despite being out of school, I'm still always so busy with job hunting, cleaning, reorganization, and the girlfriend.

Today was rather weird, however. From time to time I get a random itch to play an older game. I'm typically regulated to PC and Wii games as of late, with Mercury Meltdown Revolution, WoW, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, and a sporadic few others thrown in for good measure. A few days ago I got an itch to play Doom 64, so I planned to drag my Nintendo 64 out today and hook it up for a few days.

After getting into my closet, however, something different happened: rather than just yanking the N64 from its dusty corner, I cleaned out my whole closet and along with my N64, pulled out my Super Nintendo and all the games to go with it. I have integrated my SNES and N64 into my entertainment setup, right next to my three PCs, PlayStation 2, and Gamecube. Rather than a blast from the past, it seems as if I'm going to be integrating past gaming right into my daily routine.

It'll be interesting to see how some old, utter classic games that I've loved over the years stand up to long-term playing. I'm undertaking a few classics on the N64 first: Conker's Bad Fur Day, Doom 64, and Turok: Dinosaur Hunter right away. Once I get a better-working SNES controller, I'll be taking up some even older games: Mario Is Missing (!?), Pilotwings, Super Mario RPG, Super Mario Kart, and Stunt Racer FX.

I woke up expecting to play a couple of levels from Doom 64 today, and instead I'm on a path to retro gaming nirvana. A quick shot in the arm gone bad or signs of something more?

This might be a good time reminsce about the past, my games, and how they have grown with me over the years, but you know what...? That's for another post, another day. For me, I'm off to sneak in a few more minutes of Conker's and then I'm off to bed.

Out.

I Wish the Real World Would Just Stop Hassling Me

I'm stressed in ways that no one else can understand, and I'm having a hell of a time determining exactly how I feel.

I've been restless in my sleep lately, namely because of frequent dreams that see me put in awkward social situations. What's worse, I'm finding that these dreams are so based in reality that I have trouble distinguishing them from the realities of my daily routine during some moments, leading me to blend fact and fiction.

What if I have a dream where I punch someone in the face at work, and in the morning, that dream is more of a memory than a dream - as if it actually happened? Next thing I know, I'm at work freaking out about seeing this person, expecting a negative reaction from them.

Now, this particular example did not happen nor take place, but it's just an example of how my dreams are affecting my perception of reality. What's also bugging me is that I'm sometimes finding dreams to be preferable to real life, which causes me to zone-out a lot throughout my day. At home it's not a big deal, but at work or with friends when I'm supposed to be attentive, getting lost in a perfect dream world is an irresistible inconvenience. What does it mean if I can not distinguish between dreams and reality? I'm not exactly sure, but I've conjectured in my fiction that such a scenario would lead to horribly bad things.

Of course, this very problem is what prompted me to write Event Horizon: I wanted to explore the dangerous, blurry line between dreams and reality, and while I've always considered myself firmly grounded in the real world, I'm lately beginning to become lost on the blurry edge of my unconscious mind.

I need to find a way to anchor myself back down to firm reality, I suppose.

WoW, I Just Time Traveled!

Today I almost literally traveled backwards through time.

I've been itching - and I mean itching - to play a good, solid role-playing game. Now there are certainly those who would immediately point me in the direction of any Final Fantasy game, but those people are on a whole lower level than my RPG gaming tastes. No, I want a solid, meaty, adventurous game that meets the following conditions:

• Original character creation. I want to build a character from scratch, choosing among a variety of races and classes. I might want to use magic, or I might want to be a fierce warrior.

• Expansive, wild world. I don't want to be limited to a linear path. I want to explore an open world that is both inviting and yet dangerous for the low-level character. That way, becoming a high-level character down the road makes retreading old areas all the more exciting.

• Solid battle. Since most RPG fare centers around battling, combat has to be engaging. I prefer real-time based battles over turn-based, while still admiring a deep level of strategy.

• Make my own decisions. I want to be lead by an overarching narrative, for sure, but I also want to be able to do what I want, when I want, and I also want exploration to be a narrative all its own. I want to be able to go where I want, when I want, within the reasonable limits of my current character's strengths.

• Crafting. For some reason, games like Rune Factory have really turned me on to the idea of crafting... that is, the ability to create my own tools, weapons, or accessories from materials within the game world. This is an element of many RPGs that is not usually done well, so my choices are highly narrowed by this bullet-point.

• Engaging. Maybe this goes without saying, but if I'm going to seek out an RPG with all of the above, I hope that the game is at least fun to play and worth sticking with.
  

With those criteria at the forefront of my gaming interests right now, what have been my options?

• Baldur's Gate II: My first 'hardcore' PC RPG experience. I've had this game for quite some time, and admire its attention to detail, openness, character, and strategy of battle. Unfortunately, traveling in the game is a bit limited, and the overall scope of the game world is largely limited to areas that one way or another play into the game's length main plot.

• Neverwinter Nights: A long-time favorite of mine, NWN satisfies much of my craving for an RPG, particularly in character creation and general gameplay. Although battles and equipment are based in a D&D world, I still find the game a solid play-through, even if I have to stick to the first module's main quest before I can explore my own world. This game was installed recently, and I've been playing through it a bit at a time. Still not satisfying my itch, though.

• The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion: By far the best open-world PC RPG I've ever played, Oblivion satisfies pretty much all of my criteria, especially in character creation, overworld exploration, combat, and involvement in the world. It's simply a joy to roam around the game world and see what there is to see, battles what there is to battle, and ultimately get lost. Problem is, the game world is a bit lonely (sparsely populated), and after a while it becomes apparent that a sense of specific direction is lacking. This is always on my hard drive, so I took it for a spin, but it just didn't sit well with me after a while.

• Console RPGs: I'm lumping many games (Chrono Trigger, Final Fantasy VI, Super Mario RPG, Illusion of Gaia) into one category for one reason: they all fail at meeting my criteria. Each individual game generally meets one or two of my criteria at any given time, but all definitely follow a strict narrative path and have limited game worlds and character creation options. I'm not putting any of these game down - by far, they are all unmistakable classics. None of them, however, satisfy my RPG itch.

• World of Warcraft: I have spent the last year considering this game dead to me, after watching two months of my life go by without even blinking once. But for as involved in WoW as I was last summer, there was a good reason behind it: it's a damn good game, and just so happens to be one of the best PC RPGs ever developed. It also happens to meet all of my above criteria and guess what? It sure as hell does a great job of scratching my itch. I'm not highly motivated by having to pay $14.99 a month to play, nor am I interested in the game's social contexts, but I do find myself lost in an engaging world that offers me the best chance to stretch my creative RPG talents.
  

So late last night I reinstalled World of Warcraft, patched the game overnight, and this morning purchased one month of gameplay. I don't intend to be in Azeroth for a long time, but I will say this: it felt good to play a game that was instantly familiar to me. I jumped right back into a world that felt like a second home, that was comfortable, and that finally, finally gives me a solid escape into a role-playing game that does everything right.

What was more interesting, however, was how quickly I adapted to a game that I haven't played in ten months. I was expecting to spend an hour or so reexamining everything at my disposal int he game, but thanks to an already-fully-equiped character, I snapped into the game world as if I never left. I only played for an hour this morning, but it was an hour that pulled me in and didn't want to let go.

With that, I'm off to do a few other important things as well: call a job recruiter, get ready for the 3 Doors Down concert tonight, and spend the rest of the day with my beautiful girlfriend.

B3 out.

The Sunshine Days of my Life

I'm not yet sure if I like my new scheduling routine for work. Meijer has me working Sunday through Wednseday, then Friday; Thursdays and Saturdays are mine, and mine only. So today, my first free Saturday in a long time, I've found myself in a tight spot. Given that my day will be short (I'm in bed around 6pm for work at 4am on Sunday), I tried to wake up early today (about 7am) in order to maximize my time... and yet, I'm not quite there.

I did do a lot today. I've become acquainted with my new games, No More Heroes and Mercury Meltdown Revolution, walked Elli, did a short mile-long run (holy crap was it tiring), installed the latest Ubuntu operating system (highly positive write-up soon), worked on a program that I'm developing for my mom, and cleaned out my car. With all that done in less than nine hours, why do I feel so crappy, so counter-productive?

I'm pretty sure it has something to do with deeper, more personal issues. The absolute worst things that can come between two happy people - mistrust and paranoia - are beginning to creep into my life in ways that fundamentally upsets my daily persona. I can't wake up happy and content on a beautiful spring day knowing that the one person I love has a bit of a mean streak towards me: I'm not trusted, and it's slowly biting into the positive image that I'm trying to portray on the world.

Of course, this short rant sounds like a blame game. It's not: I'm 100% responsible for where I am today in all of this, so it's my own doing that's my undoing. Still, I'm on the verge of taking the troubles in my life to the next step; to a more severe level of determination, responsibility, and resolve in order to get through this crappy "down" time as smoothly as possible - and eventually (and hopefully) rebuild all trust in my life.

Otherwise, "trustless-love is an oxymoron" (me, circa 2001).

B3 out.

A Me Day, Not A Mii Day

I'm having a hell of a time staying focused this summer. I promised myself that I would get a move-on to get things done right after I graduated, but I've found my time thus far better spent relaxing: after five hard years in college, I'm not wanting to rush out and get a job, obviously.

So I'm looking for the right pigeon hole in my life to shoot through. I'm looking for the proper motivation to get going, to get things moving, and to get off my ass. But then days like today happen.

Today is a "me" day. The day is barely over, but I've already accomplished a lot in the name of relaxation. I did a little programming. I played a few games (Smash Bros. and Endless Ocean). I walked the dog, twice. Farnsworth Park is already beautiful this time of year (green everywhere), and I'm thrilled to be able to spend some time there. In fact, the single-best part of today is all the "me" time. I just plowed through ten days of work at Meijer, and this is my first full day to relax and do what I want, which is completely awesome.

It's hard to balance all of the many things that I have to do every day of my life, but days like today are perfectly necessary in the grand scheme of my busy so-called life. A one-day vacation from the normal grind and routine is a healthy mental and physical getaway for me (I've walked 4 miles thus far and might do more tonight). I recommend a "me" day to everyone!

Out.

Counting My Way to Insanity

When it comes down to simply having to "get something done, no questions asked," then I generally try to put myself in a position to gun through whatever needs done to, well... get shit done. There are of course a few things in life that have generally alluded me, one of which is generally awesome and great health. I am a healthy individual, but I'm certainly not as fit as I would like to be. I'm a tad bit soggy around the midsection, short of breath doing anything harder than lifting a fork, and love food.

I have been in healthier states, however. The problem for me is finding the proper motivation, a driving force, to keep me going towards a goal. With Wii Fit releasing soon (a must-buy in my house), and summer here, I have plenty of opportunity to get in better shape. But I'm not just talking about dropping a few pounds and smiling more. I want a full overhaul, just like I had in high school. Thus, I do intend to begin a somewhat strict program to regulate my weight gain and weight loss. And it all begins with that 'C' word: calories.

For all the pills, programs, workouts, and diets that are tossed around every day of the week by the commercial sector, losing weight is nothing more than a simple numbers game. Burn more calories than is consumed and stored. Not a hard concept, right? Certainly hard to execute, however.

But I've done it before. I'm not looking to repeat my 800 / 1400 program again (800 high-protein calories in a day / 1400 burned by daily biking). However, I will be keeping track of my daily calorie intake, planning daily calorie burning, and try to get the two in a proper ratio to encourage weight loss.

Now, about that motivation...

B3 out.

To Infinity and Beyond

And so it is with a long, lumbering step and a deep, scarring sigh that I move to take the next step - I am a graduate, and I feel fan-freaking-tastic!

Quite obviously, I have been busy for the last month or so with school, which has put blogging on the back-burner, and I may be on-and-off busy for the next month with post-school plans, but all-in-all, I hope to pick up blogging on Critically Correct a bit more often now that beautiful summer is here.

There's much to catch up on, so without further ado, a little catch-up on some highlights of this past week or so:

Graduation

Of course, this is the focal point of my life lately. Everything has been about graduation: the last month of school was a huge hype-machine ("you're almost there!"), May 3rd was nuts (walking across the stage with 5000 pairs of eyes on me was crazy), and the aftermath has been weird (crap, I need to get a job).

All in all, I'm now done with the first "part" of my life... or so it seems. The true feeling of being "done" with school hasn't sunk in quite yet. I know that I need to be a lot more responsible as a person now more than I did even two weeks ago, but I have yet to really have the feeling "proven" to me. I am certainly trying to be responsible, however. I'm overhauling every part of my life: all my computers have been formatted, I'm gutting my personal belongs of everything I don't absolutely use (this is taking a looooong time), I'm restructuring my work habits at Meijer (to be more effective in my 40 hours there), I'm starting a daily exercise routine (right now just walking the dog), and I'm soon setting up daily "study time" - that is, time to brush up on my computer science education: learning CSS, PHP, writing programs, reading books, and of course, job hunting.

It's a lot to do all at once, but I feel like I have to be doing these things all at once. Come late August, I won't be setting foot in a classroom. It will be very surreal, I'm sure. In fact, by late August, I will be most likely panicking if my job hunt hasn't produced at least a few solid leads.

I really want to devote a lot of my time to my major. I don't feel like I'm a terribly useful software developer yet, and I intend to spend much of my summer working on my programming and general understanding of computer science.

Tantric

Last week wasn't just a mildly-stressful finals week at BGSU - it was also a highly memorable week for me: one of my all-time favorite bands, Tantric, released their third studio album, and I will say this abbreviated note about it: awesome.

After Tantric's debut album pretty much rocketed them to the top of my "awesome" list, I followed them like a lost puppy. I've seen them on stage three times, twice with them headlining (although I'm not sure how any band can "headline" at Howard's Club H). Their second album was more of the same - solid music, but a little stale for my tastes, to be honest. After most of the original band has split and Tantric reformed late last year, I've been cautious about approaching a new album. Suffice to say, I noted that the new album was out, bolted to my computer, and downloaded the entire album from Amazon MP3.

It's good to hear that Tantric is sounding better than ever. If their second album was a bit bland for my tastes, then their latest, "The Eng Begins," is a powerful example of what rebirth can bring to a stale flavor. Hugo's lead vocals (the only original member) is as familiar and comfortable as ever, but is brought to new life with an original selection of lyrics that go above the ordinary and weave in and out of anecdotes ("Regret") , powerful self-reflection stories ("The One"), and outright humor ("Love Story"). The rest of the band is new, and all bring great talent and a unique sound to the album. Above all else, the music is just outright good. I watched one of my favorite bands rise, fall, and now, I'm sure that their rebirth will be worthwhile. I look forward to Tantric IV.

Iron Man

It's no secret that the Spider-Man films, particularly Spider-Man 2, are among my favorite films. So it was to my surprise to see Iron Man this past weekend and suddenly push Spider-Man aside. Don't get me wrong, the Spider-Man films are still landmark as far as comic book-to-movie adaptations go, but Iron Man is extremely fun. It's an first and foremost an "origin" story - the telling of how a hero comes to be - but it never feels like it's stepping from A to B to C... Iron Man the film, like any good narrative, tells the story about a man undergoing change, and the changes, causes and effects, and ultimate outcome of Tony Stark is a story worth telling on film. The movie is also a gadget-lovers dream, and borderlines technology porn, with a ton of grounding in the real world with just enough "what-if" technology demonstrated to whet the appetite of any technophile in the theater.

Iron Man was a pleasant, unexpected for my graduation weekend, and I look forward to enjoying it many times to come.

... And Everything Else

With enough said, it's time to say this:

I'm back for good. Although I've only posted a dozen times in about two months, I'm definitely going to return to Critically Correct for personal blogging this summer (starting today, obviously). I expect to post a couple times a week, but I'm also quite busy with job searching, reorganization, and Meijer (40 hours now). However, I do intend to take some time out to get a few blog-bases features out the door, so stay tuned for some announcements on that part, including the eventual roll out of a new narrative focus for Critically Correct.