Long December

"I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,
Makes you talk a little lower
about the things you could not show her;

And its been a long December and theres reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last,
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass..."

(Counting Crows)

December just won't die. Don't get me wrong; December is all things awesome: Christmas, snow, birthdays, and very little school.

But this is a December of change.

Christmas means nothing to me. Decorations are up, parades are on television, but by and large, segregation is the key word: my family is segregated, either separated by distance or death. It'll be a small, quiet, disturbing family dinner this year. As much as I hate to say it, I'd rather curl up in bed with a warm, beautiful girl all day on December 25th than visit with my family.

If my family wasn't enough, Meijer has simply drained the holiday spirit from me: sale this, price that, move those, push product - Christmas at work isn't about the holiday spirit, it's about money. I hate that.

And where's the damn snow? We've had a ton of rain so far, and a teasing of snow (and ice!). All I want is for the week leading up to Christmas to be filled with the fluffy white stuff. I want a winter wonderland everywhere I look. It puts me in the mood so much more than this crappy half-rain/half-ice mixture.

But yes, birthdays can be fun in December. I really don't want to say much (can't say much?) about it, but Colleen's birthday was a quiet event, rounded out with a tiny birthday dinner, friends, and Wii all day long. I wasn't able to get Colleen what I really wanted to (a Wii to call her very own), but I hope that presents don't particularly matter in the long run anyway.

School is over... almost. I have one more exam to take, tomorrow at 3:30pm, and I'm periodically studying throughout the day today in order to be ready. Next semester is my last, and I'm already beginning to feel a form of independence that is new to me.

I really do want to move out of my house. Thing is, I don't want to move out maliciously like my sister did. Against all of my parents (sometimes overbearing) wishes, she jumped ship and moved in with her boyfriend at age 18. But truth be told, I'm perfectly capable of striking out onto my own this time: financially speaking, I'm more than able to support myself with two-thirds of life's expenses. With careful planning and forethought, I can reasonably move out for just next semester to gain some practical experience of living on my own while having a blast at the same time.

But there are questions that I'm beginning to consider. Living with two other people in a two bedroom place isn't a huge deal, but the proximity with which my entire private life will be to them worries me. In my house now, I have my own room, and plenty of space to move about, store stuff, and express myself. In the confines of a tiny bedroom in BG, I would barely get any room to myself. I also couldn't bring all of my possessions, the most important of which is my "Dragonfly" desktop computer, containing most of my digital life. Of course, I would simply be sharing my life with someone whom isn't my significant other (...) - a notion that I haven't quite come to fully comprehend yet.

*sigh*

But you know what? I say "what the hell?" and fuck it... I might as well as spend my last semester at BG doing what I love, being with people I love, and enjoying myself in every last way possible.

B3 out.