Crash and Burn With a Side of Radioactive Heartbreak

Brace yourself, I am about to ramble a bit. And break some hearts. I enjoy doing that.

No, not really. I do my best to not be a heart breaker, but dammit, I have to say this: I am kind of selfish. No person is ready for a real, solid relationship until they have been broken. I do not mean "dumped" - I mean walked on, tossed aside, torn asunder - insert whatever overly-dramatic hoo-ha you wish, but the concept is the same. You cannot learn to love properly until you have been broken because of love (that whole "you don't know what you have until it's gone" thing). I feel privileged - I was broken five or six years ago, suffered like a bitch, and came out all the wiser for my crappy experience. The single-most important lesson I learned from being broken? Never regret your past - always learn from it. It's like a goddamn religion, actually.

So what does this have to do with anything? Well - I am a different person as of late (no duh, huh?) and I am going through a lot more change than I generally express to any of my friends. In other words, I am suffering - I am breaking in ways that I absolutely do not fully understand. Is this related to a girl? Yes. But I have been broken once before - a few worries about a girl are not enough to cause me longterm stress. Is this related to my job? No, I love my new job. This is something bigger, and here is my best guess: I am grown up.

Seriously. Here I am: dream job and great place to live. Twenty-six years old. I am ready to take the next step - but what exactly is that next step? Oh boy, a blank slate. I love this.

Anywho, I am out of wine, so it is time to wrap up this mess. I absolutely do not let all the little, petty problems of my life add up into anything worse than an annoyance at best. I may certainly come off as heartless and selfish to all my friends (and shit, I mean ALL of them), and I am breaking a heart or two for the time being, but I am in a period of amazing, confusing, and outright scary transition. So much potential exists in my life right now the only way I can deal with it is by downing a glass of wine, dreaming of all the possibilities available to me, rambling on my blog for a while, then curling up in my bed to cry myself to sleep.

B3 out.