A Massive, Painful Confession

Ever since I played my first video game, Super Mario World in 1991, I have had an interest in creating video games.

Ever since I first played Mario Paint in 1993, I have had an interest in graphic design and animation.

Ever since I dabbled with a hand-me-down Commodore 64 computer in 1994 at the age of 10, I have had an interest in programming.

Ever since dabbling with Half-Life's Worldcraft editor in 1998 I have had an interest in 3D modeling.

Ever since I received unmistakably awesome encouragement and support from my freshman English teacher in 1999, I have had an interest in writing.

Ever since my first love and loss in 2000 and 2005, I have had an interest in the human psyche.

Through the past twenty years I have had many interests, all of which stick with me today to some degree. In college I was told that I had to pick one of these interests, spend tens of thousands of dollars on an education, and make a career out of it. My first two years of college were a mess: I liked graphic design first and foremost, so I started a VCT major. I did not fit in with the numerous art classes that I had to slog through, so I changed to my next passion, writing. I found the numerous English classes I would be taking relaxing, simple, and easy as pie. I would graduate on time if not early!

Something did not click, however, and after a year and a half at Bowling Green State University I stopped, re-evaluated my career options, and finally made the biggest decision thus far in my life - I chose a major: computer science.

While I had many other interests, I eventually chose computer science because out of all my interests, it was the one that I consistently revisited year after year. I was not always a steady writer, I was not much of an artist by the time I hit my twenties, so graphic design and writing had to be put aside for a while. Programming scared me a little bit, because up to that point in my life I only dabbled with various versions of simple programming languages like BASIC, DarkBASIC, VisualBasic - see a pattern? Was I smart enough to turn a moderate passion into a career?

Fast-forward to 2010. I am no longer a student, I am a professional. So why do I constantly feel like I am a student still?

I work with a "team" of about ten developers (team is in scarequotes because honestly, we all work pretty individually). Our department as a whole provides complete IT services for our medium-sized company. We are a web company, and as such, IT is integral to the operation of the business. Each developer plays an important role and each developer is expected to maintain a certain level of competence in his area of focus in the department. While I have been mostly successful as a web developer in the past two years with my current company, I have a confession to make: I feel like a fake.

Our entire department skews young: mostly twenty-something developers with a couple of outliers older than that. Despite our relatively inexperienced crew, I cannot but help feel that I am an inadequate developer not worthy of my job.

Why do I feel this way? Here are a few reasons:

• I spend far too much time Googling answers to my questions.
• I get stuck on problems that sometimes take precious hours to solve.
• I get paranoid that my software will break, so I check my work email religiously.
• I rarely pose questions to my peers in case the answer is something "that every programmer should know."
• I am afraid of new technologies and do not always feel that I have the time to learn them.

Am I overly paranoid or are do these concerns mean I am not cut out to be a programmer? Programming is, after all, a difficult profession that demands great attention to detail and analytical thinking. Or does it? While I am always questioning myself as a developer, I think I may be giving myself the short end of the stick.

Recently I took a long, hard look at the list above and finally realized that while I struggle with these particular things, I do with good reason. Why am I use Google to answer my programming questions? Because I forgot the syntax of a particular language grammar. Why do I get stuck on problems for hours on end? Because the problem is hard. Every programmer gets stuck at one point or another.

This thread on Reddit was published the day after I started writing this post, and it resonates with me on so many levels. Read it if you want to, but the point to take away from all this worry is pretty simple: I am a good programmer because I recognize my own limits and grow when I challenge my doubts. I'm not a bad programmer because I don't have all the answers at my finger tips, but at least a competent one for learning my bounds, questioning my current work, and pushing to grow when I feel I have stagnated.

So while I may feel like I am a "fake" at work, I do believe I never give myself enough where credit is due. My own self doubt, in this case, may be the best thing I have going for me.

B3 out.

Killjoys, Rock and Roll: Danger Days Review

My Chemical Romance treads new ground with their latest album - Danger Days: The True Lives of the... wait, really? The title needs to be that long? Here’s the point: this album is flashy. The music, the lyrics, the hooks, and even the band themselves are all over-the-top powerful and flashy from start to finish. From a band categorically shuffled into the “emo” genre after hits such as “Helena,” “I’m Not Okay (I Promise),” and “Welcome to the Black Parade,” Danger Days is a glitzy throwback to pre-90’s punk rock. The band even dresses the part for their upcoming tours, dressing in vibrant pinks, whites, and sky blues. Is this jarring shift in style enough to save a band that nearly broke up twice during this album’s production?

MCR claimed that they wanted to “save rock’n’roll” (no kidding) with this album, and while Danger Days is a far cry from Nevermind or Revolver, it is still a masterwork of style, writing, and musical talent. The band consistently exceeds their already-excellent performances from The Black Parade, which is even greater an accomplishment considering the shift in genres. Danger Days has less in common with the band’s previous fixation on gritty, swollen themes of death and more in common with Green Day’s modern political manifesto. Unlike some of Green Day’s outright preachy agenda, however, MCR never stops having fun through the end of the album, which is capped off with an unmistakably catchy guitar riff in “Vampire Money.” Other highlights on the album include future MCR staple “Bulletproof Heart,” the ballad-ish “Sing,” and the perfect summer anthem, “Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na).”

Faults are found, however, in the album’s timing and mastering. A rock and roll concept album this good is being released in November? Really? This album screams to be cranked up in my car as I blow around Northwest Ohio with my windows down and a beautiful summer breeze in my face. This is a minor complaint - I suppose I can bust this beast out come springtime. Finally, and most unfortunately, Danger Days is a victim of the “loudness war.” MCR clearly wants this album played loud and proud, but unfortunately producer Rob Cavollo (most famous for producing for Green Day and the Goo Goo Dolls), pushed the volume up a bit too far, and the entire album exhibits serious clipping issues. I will be keeping my eye out for a vinyl release in hopes that the clipping did not carry over to that master.

Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys is a concept album worth hearing - clipping problems aside - because unlike so many of today’s whiny bands and paid-for acts, My Chemical Romance just wants to play loud, catchy rock and roll music. They are not saving rock with Danger Days, but MCR is certainly doing it a big favor.

The Phone I've Always Wanted

Last weekend I finally took a leap that I have been waiting years to make.

After weeks of research, I walked into the Levis Commons Verizon Wireless store and bought an HTC Droid Incredible. I love it. Almost.

Ever since I dabbled with (and gave up on) Windows Mobile many years ago, I have dreamed of the day when I get a proper, modern smartphone and an unlimited data plan to go along with it. Thanks to my balanced spending and growing need to access information on the road, I finally upgrade to an Android phone. So far, so good.

First, the phone is everything I thought it would be: sleek, fast, and extremely useful. Having unlimited access to the Internet everywhere I go is just fantastic. I have a RunKeeper profile now, which is viewable via my BrandonBruno.com portal. The Android platform is neat as heck, but certainly not nearly as polished as the iOS ecosystem, which I am familiar with via my iPod touch. Still, I can do development on Android, so I'm looking forward to dabbling with that in the coming months.

B3 out.

2011 Is Looking Sharp

I recently glossed over my vague ambitions and goals for the upcoming year. I have already begun to better define some of those goals.

2011 will start with a strong emphasis on my professional career as a software developer. In 2010 I have become less "software developer" and more "web developer" with technologies like PHP and ASP.NET taking center stage, while I honed my skills with Javascript, CSS, and even HTML5. In mid-January I am attending CodeMash 2.0.1.1 at Kalahari Resort in Sandusky, Ohio. I am thrilled to be attending this conference and hope to meet lots of great people while extending my knowledge of multiple technologies (the swimming and beer doesn't hurt either). CodeMash represents a pivot point of sorts for me: I intend to have my 2011 goals well-underway by then, and I plan to come out of the conference plowing full-steam ahead on my list.

That list has been a bit more refined, and here are my explicit goals for 2011.

• Build a Portfolio: As a programmer I feel it is important to have a strong portfolio of my past and current work on display. I set up a portfolio showcase on my BrandonBruno.com portal and plan to fill it up in 2011. Ideas? Tint will be big on that list, as well as independent redesigns of various websites, technology demos, and if things go well, actual small business websites from various Bowling Green businesses.

• Write Two Short Stories: "Everyone Else" - a short story about prom-night gone wrong - and one more original work will be completed in 2011.

• Finish 40 Pounds Down: I am nearly halfway to my goal of losing forty pounds. If this winter and upcoming spring season go well, I will hit my goal by May of 2011, far earlier in the year than I originally planned.

I have plenty do keep me busy in 2011, all of which I hope to accomplish with the intentions of making me a more valuable, attractive, and overall better programmer, writer, and human being.

B3 out.

Tint Is Not Twitter

Say bye to "Yola" and hello to "Tint."

Today I am announcing a new name for Yola. Tint - a recursive acronym for "Tint Is Not Twitter" - is my private social networking website.

Tint will be entering beta sometime near the end of November. This means that it will be feature-complete and available for anyone to try out and test, ideally while providing me with feedback about how the site works.

The core focus of Tint lies in simplicity and scale: provide an easy-to-use, private, secure social networking site that allows my friends and I to communicate privately among one another. This includes status updates, photo hosting, a small profile, and eventually a comment system. Anyone who is overwhelmed by Facebook's huge size and constant security gaffes is welcome to join Tint as well.

I will be sending beta invitations to a select few of my friends at the end of November. My goal is to have Tint complete by CodeMash in January, 2011. Screenshots coming soon.

B3 out.