It Comes to This

So here I am, my new nightly routine.

No longer do long nights until 3am seem likely. Sadly, 11:30pm feels far too late for me to keep my eyes open... Not to mention, being up much later causes my mind to veer into that blurry, gray area between sleep and dreams, where my waking self can't seem to pick out what's real emotion and what I'm making up for the sake of staying sane.

I do not like this, but I have to keep telling myself it's me. Without Lacey, I have not much of a life. Between school being a 50 hours a week job, and Meijer barely giving my enough hours to buy gas to get to the damn place, my only solace seems to be this moment: sitting on my bed, minutes away from sleep, pouring my last normal thoughts and emotion to the world on a rickety laptop.

Lacey's in Columbus this weekend. I did not think she'd go - not with the way she's been acting lately... acting, very much so, like she doesn't want me in her life at all. I'll be crushed if it comes to that.

I need an escape; a way out. I need to find where I can hide my mind from my thoughts, and make sure it never listens to my heart, which still bleeds from wounds that will never heal.

Inevitable death, I suppose.